Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Getting Dumped: From My Perspective

PS: It’s my view so pardon me for speaking about it only from my own perspective. So if you get confused just go back and read the title. 

Breaking up for many is a hard task. It’s hard for both parties really. The initiator and the reactor. Personally, I have been on both sides of the slate, and I would have to say it’s painful on both ends. But I must say that it totally sucks when you are the reactor because half the time, you don’t even have a clue it’s coming.

So let me explain both terms to you for better understanding. The INITIATOR and REACTOR. The two opposite poles in the breaking up process. The initiator is most commonly known as the dumper/ jerk/ asswipe/ bitch/ idiot/ gold-digger…you name it. While the reactor on the other end is the dumpee, more commonly known as the Great girl/guy that you let go off.

The reason why you decide to break up are usually varied, but essentially, could contain any or more of the following:
  1. One of you cheated and got caught. (mind you cheating is cheating regardless of the type).
  2. Both of you grew apart; had different goals and life expectations.
  3. One of you got cold feet; wasn't ready to take it to the next level, or stay in this one.
  4. One person has commitment phobia.

Now if you are the reactor/dumpee, it’s pretty hard to believe that home boy is calling it quits. It’s almost always surreal, like you are living outside of your body watching his mouth as he lets the words slip out, telling you why both of you can’t be together. Inside you are screaming, crying, railing and wrapping your fingers around his neck, trying to get him to shut up. But outside you are frozen in place, heart beating fast, hoping that in a few minutes he will break into a laugh and tell you it’s all a joke. None of these happen and eventually, and you face reality.

At this point is usually where your reaction sets in. For me, it’s usually a delayed response. I want to be dramatic and throw a fit but being the diva that I am, I simply can’t. I tend to just smile, say okay and bye. Why exit so quickly? Oh well, because if I stay one minute too late, I know like I just know I would be bawling all over his shoulder, and begging him to change his mind. And a big girl would not do that (big girls don’t cry). So I exit as gracefully as I can and take my tears to the safety of my bedroom and pillow, and I call up that dear friend who would listen to me rant. (You’re reading this and you know yourself) *wink wink*

However, if you are the initiator, it’s relatively easier but just a tad. Since you know the relationship is about to end, you would have probably spent a few days/weeks/months thinking about how you’re going to do it and what you are going to say. You've already to some extent, started the grieving process so you are now more emotionally prepared.

For pit’s sake don’t offer me the ‘let’s be friends’ line. Please don’t I DO NOT want to be your friend. If I wanted to be your friend, I wouldn't have given you my heart in the first place. Being your friend isn't a condolence prize…sorry hun you lost the relationship jackpot but let’s be friends. Grrrr!
You have just turned my world upside down in matter of minutes…nothing you say or do right then is going to make me feel any better short of you dropping dead. Also don’t try and get an emotional response from me (some guys would say ‘say something’…ermmm like what please?). If I’m not giving you any, chances are I’m holding on to my sheer force of will. So casting blame on me or trying to goad me is only going to make me snap…and oh boy you most certainly don’t want that.

My suggestion: say what you need to say and take a step quickly because darling, that way they won’t have to scrape your remains off the floor. (And the violent taketh by force) LMAO. 

As usual stay beautiful 
xoxo Chantel.


  1. Can't cold feet also be seen as commitment phobia?

    You are right though, no matter what side you are on, the feeling is NOT a good one.

    The worst ones are the ones that
    go silent on you. I term those ones cowards. All the same your conclusion is the best approach. Face it head on and please don't give the "let's be friends" line.

    You should have thought of that before you decided to suck saliva.

  2. It is not always easy letting go.i have always been a victim of the reactor.i even concluded that no man can marry me,but to God be the glory!i met my man,he loved me b4 he met me,he married me,he overlook my past and he is so enthused about my future.
    Heartbreak is not a child'splay,in one way all the other we all go through it.

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  4. I hate the silent ones too , they are simply too worried n scared abt how the reactors reactions ll be.

    I hate break ups. Debz

  5. nice one, but i have a question which i wont mind getting a post on from you. is it so bad for a girl to cry in front of someone she truly care about? (talking of the big girls dont cry thingy)

  6. No its not bad for a girl to cry especially for someone she cares about. The big girl don't cry ideology should not be taken literally. It's just a notion to let you know that no matter what happens, you can walk out from any situation with your head held high. For instance, if your the reactor, and you know you have put in so much time and attention into the relationship, and you and the initiator had a good connection, yea you can cry and try to talk things out if your the emotional type. But when you know you have tried all you can, I.e, had family and friends get involved to mediate and help sort things out to no avail, then yea, big girls don't cry. Walk out with your head held high, knowing your not at fault and you can do better.his loss.

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  7. Break ups are harddddd. I've been an initiator and sweetheart it wasn't easy at allll. But that 'let's be friends' is just highly cheesy. Anyway learnt a lesson

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  9. Really funny. 1st girl I ever broke up with smashed my tv and laptop. Even beat up some random female friends she saw with me @ one time. Truth is... its always gonna be difficult. Either way, people change so finding an effective way to heal is whats most important.


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