'I Can Change Him Syndrome'

The ‘I can change him’ syndrome occurs when a woman focuses all of her energies on fixing anything she deems to be incorrect about her man. So basically, like a house, you renovate your man and if you’re lucky, you get to hold onto him, but sometimes that man may just get cocky and put himself up on the market for a new lady owner because after you've finished making him attractive to you, he’s grown wings and become attractive to a lot of other women too!

This is you if:

Who you say you’d like to be with and who you end up with are poles apart.

You may have you ideal man in mind but you can’t wait for him because you need the reassurance of a male attention.

You’re quite critical.

You’re insecure and crave attention.

Some people are critical and run in the opposite direction, but as a super woman and the fact that you see yourself as a ‘property developer’, you decide to stay and give your ‘house’ an extreme makeover.

Ehem continue oh. You’re now Florence Nightingale turned Jesus yeah. I mean imagine if a man bestowed his interest in you despite the fact that he thought you may be beneath him or not as attractive, or have as many qualities as the other women he has dated. So he decides to make you his pet DIY project. Would you thank him for treating you less or would you rather run in the opposite direction? I believe you would do the latter.

No matter what good intentions you think you have, the message that gets sent when you try to turn him into you DIY project is ‘I am not satisfied with you and you are not good enough in your present state’.

The big question I want to ask at this point is: Why the hell are you with this guy? And why don’t you just find a man more on your ‘level’ and put this poor guy out of his misery? Even if it appears that he is happy with what you are asking of him, it just takes that one extra request, or a change in your tone or attitude for things to go south and for him to recognize your behavior for what it is. Trying to build a man from the ground up is a project that you should really shy away from. If you can’t accept him for what he is and are living off potential, you will always be miserable.

And of course, there is the distinct possibility that the relationship will flounder and someone else will reap the benefit of your hard work, which is a lot pisser because unlike a house, there is no financial reward. If his new relationship works, they won’t be looking to change him as you have done the work already. What they would be doing is enjoying the fruits of your labor. They would thank you for your extreme makeover and enjoy the man he has become. Thanks to you. It’s a vicious circle really.

As usual stay beautiful. 

xoxo Chantel.