Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Why won't you love me baby?

Sometimes we come across people we like hoping that they would like us back. But however, this person might just be so wounded from past relationships that at the moment they are emotionally unavailable and have baggage so full it can fill an airport terminal. Even with that, we tend to think that perhaps with us it just might be different…why? Because you think you can see past their problems, and see potential in them….But hey

That’s the problem….

When someone doesn't isn't ready to be in a relationship, or they seem to have limited access to their emotions, or they seem to be terrified of intimacy to the point where they get clammy at the thought of commitment, at that point, it doesn't matter if your love is as big as an ocean or comes in a platinum case with a nice bow on it promising the sun, moon and stars or even the world. If they say they don’t want it…they just don’t want it simples. Nothing you can do about that. It doesn't matter who you are or the kind of love you that point, you could be anyone and until they resolve their issues, you will not extract a loving relationship from them. As the saying goes ‘you can drag a horse to the river, but you can’t force it to drink’

You may see past their problems and feel that you love them in spite of their baggage and may see yourself as all loving and caring and all the nice things you think you and your love can offer, but how you see you, is not how they see you.

No matter what you say or do, they perceive you, by the very fact that you’re either in a relationship with them, or hankering for one, that you want, need, or expect more than they’re prepared to be wanted, needed, and expected from.
If you've been with a Mr or Mrs unavailable, you won’t be the first person that has ever felt something for them.

Sometimes, we make the mistake of expending copious amounts of energy ‘running on the spot’ by investing ourselves and emotions into limited relationships with people that have a limited ability and capacity for love, which in turn creates a limited result.

You don’t want to be an equivalent of that pushy used car salesman that doesn't know when to back off. It doesn't translate well to relationships.

If they can’t see past their problems and insecurities, what is the point in you doing it for them? You can’t do all the loving, security, responsibility, accountability, trusting, caring, and respecting in the relationship.
They don’t have to want your love. This is not a yard sale where you think ‘it’s cheap! Someone should want it!’ ehn ehn.

The moment someone doesn't want you, you need to be asking yourself why you’re still wanting them. Period. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn't mean you should switch off your feelings automatically but you should be coming back to earth at this point with a very loud, resounding bump.

Alarm bells should be ringing! If they’re not -my alarm bells are ringing for you!

More importantly, don’t treat your love like a hot potato that you can’t wait to offload and certainly don’t put your life on hold because you’re stuck ‘loving’ someone that doesn't love you. Their lack of interest is a red flag….Use it to extricate yourself out of what will become an even more painful situation if you don’t back off. There is better out there for you…best believe it.   

As usual stay beautiful. 


  1. Well, you've said the gospel truth. For me it is a weakness and a lack of strong personality to carry over experiences of the past to new events. It shows we are not in full understanding of lessons. A broken heart should not be a broken life. Why will anyone make love and loving hard cos of hurts? It is cos we always tie our lives to people and think there is no better one out there. For me, move on by applying your lessons not transferring punishment and becoming unlovable.
    You've said it, it is their loss not that of the person who loves genuinely.

  2. True talk. I learned it the hard way but i am stronger because of it.

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  3. There's better out there, best believe it! Word! Love it! :-) xx

  4. Well said. You see some people hang on to these people and ignore alarm bells because.....they think the guy or girl will change and become loving and move past the limited phase. Please ring the alarm bells for them o.

  5. I like the new you.....a lot!!! So coherent!
    I have nothing to add to the post, you have said it all. But on second thought, perhaps, you can inspire such a person to explore their hidden emotions...

    1. Thanks alot HD..that's very encouraging...yeah that's a good idea i shall work on it, *wink wink*

  6. Nicely said! There is definitely better out there! Great writing!



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