Cheating

source 

So I saw this screenshot message from an older woman telling all younger women how to act in their marriages. She was of the opinion that ‘all men cheat’. Hours after, my cousin sends me a link to the picture and we start to talk about it. So she’s saying to me that she has friends who have told her the same thing and she wanted to know my opinion about it.

Personally I do not like to generalize simply because I have come to learn that every human is different in their own special way. So just because you have been in 1 or 2 relationships where your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that every other person you meet in the future is also like that. I mean like; no human is the criteria for the world so why judge everyone in that light? I know there are people who would say otherwise and criticize what I am saying but that’s your opinion and we are all entitled to that. So you don’t have to agree with me.

This oft-repeated myth that ‘all men cheat’ in my opinion is just a myth. But women say it to each other when their friend’s boyfriend or husband is caught cheating and men say it to one another simply to comfort themselves and naturalize their infidelities.

People would say ‘men cheat’ because it’s in their nature to do so. Okay. But at the end of the day I think it all boils down to Principles. We are faithful to our partners simply because we made a commitment to do so and because we don’t want to hurt them. When relationships fall apart because of cheating, it’s because of betrayal and a breach of trust more than it is about the physical act of sex.

Relationships need to be based on trust and honesty, which means somewhere in the ‘getting to know you’ part, you would have shared your past experiences whether good or bad.  If you have been cheated on in the past, this can be a very devastating experience with far reaching effects. But like I always say, you have no business being in a relationship if you have emotional baggage and it’s an issue which exceeds the maximum weight. If you have emotional baggage big enough to fill an airport terminal then please you have no business being in a relationship until you sort yourself out. If you’re so badly hurt from past relationships that you can’t trust anyone, then you need to work on your issues and preferably alone.

I know men who have cheated and I know women who have cheated. So the myth that ‘all men cheat’ is not 100% true. Since Victorian times, women have been viewed as the ones responsible for maintaining ‘morality’ in society and keeping men in check. While men are viewed as penises (please excuse my being so straight forward) with legs; incapable of rational thought once faced with the prospect of touching a boob.

So when women say ‘all men cheat’ they are simply doing two things: enabling one another to stay in relationships with men who are sketchy, selfish liars, and two teach men that they aren’t accountable for their own behavior. Aside from that, the notion that ‘all men cheat’ is a lie.

I honestly don’t buy into the ‘men are ruled by their dick’ story-line. I think that’s just an excuse to let men off the hook in terms of accountability for their own behavior and reinforces untrue stereotypes.

What are your thoughts? Please share.

Stay beautiful

Xoxo

Chantel 

The Sisterhood Award

i got tagged in this award (pic above) by the ever wonderful Honeydame. I was suppose to respond to this like ages ago but procastination is a rubbish thing. Anyhow i've decided to get around to it before the award is taken away *smile*. Here we go. 

1. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex, boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, potential? (hahahahaha, for the heck of it)

Lmao...this kind of question sef.. i have no weapon..Infact to be honest i don't even need it...they just happen to come along....cause i'm hot like that *wink wink*

2. What was/is a major deciding factor in your choice of career?

Hmmmmm i never planned to be in HR really..i always wanted to do International relations or Business law...but then i started working and found myself in HR i liked it and decided to go back to school to study it and have a degree and the rest is history 

3. What was/is a major deciding factor in your decision to be with or not to be with your current significant other?

*clears throat* significant other? did she say 'significant other'? *looks around* honey where....*looks around again* whereeee (i think you get the point already but if u don't just search your inner soul and it would come to you) 

4. What does the colour "black" represent to you?

Just one thing...i didn't have the energy to put anything colorful together. 

5. Toinlicious vs HoneyDame, who is saner (Aha, now you gotta read both blogs!!!)

Buhahahahahaa...Please i am still contemplating this fact... both of you are just cray cray..To my other readers who don't know who these two cray cray girls are please check their blogs Here and Here. 

6. Novels or Movies?

Actually it depends on my mood and the movie or the book

7. Your favorite season of the year is?

Definitely Winter..Anyone who knows me knows i get sunburns easily so i hate to go under the sun and i can't stand heat  

8. The 8th Wonder of the world should be ___________

ME....Yes pun intended 

9. How many of your current friends were made in elementary/primary school?

Honeyboo just one....as for the rest i don't even remember their names or what they look like

10. Do you believe in the power of thoughts?

Oh Yes Yes Yes i doooo. And because of that i have truly become conscious of my thoughts 

Woohooo finally the questions have come to an end. Okay so the rule is i am suppose to thank the blogger who tagged me, put up the blog award, ask 10 questions and then tag 5 people. The first two i have already done. But you see rules are meant to be broken right? So yes i am breaking the rules. 

I hereby tag these people *cocky smile*

Toinlicious 

1+ the one 

Cherry (Mrs somebody) 

Missy T 

T.Notes

My Questions

1. Why did you start blogging?

2. What is that one thing that ticks you off?

3. If you had a chance to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

4. What makes you tick, motivates you?

5. If you had super powers what would it be?

6. Would you consider yourself to be a social person?

7. What's your worse fear?

8. If you had a million dollars what would you do?

9. What color of socks are you wearing right now?

10. What's your least favorite word (s)? 

11. What has been your best present? 

BTW T.Notes...Thanks for checking out my blog..yes i saw you. 

Okay bye..I shall be back with a new blog update once i can finish writing it *rolls my eyes* 

As always 

Stay Beautiful 

xoxo

Chantel 

My Lagos Journey

This is not my usual kind of post but I just had to write about this. This is a story of my Lagos experience. Is that even the right title for this post? anyway, Would I consider myself an aje butter? Ermmm I think so. But hey I have kpaki in me.

Let’s just say I can be whatever I want to be. Is me that have myself abi? Anyway sha back to the matter. I am one of those people who would be inside their car looking at those standing at the bus stop (my sarcastic side is asking, if they don't stand at the bus stop where would they be?) waiting for bus and okada and keke (okada with roof). But best believe it, I’m very very extremely thankful that I can afford to enter motor and be chauffeured wherever I want to go, paying for cabs every other day. I sit in my car looking out at those who can’t afford it and in my heart I just say ‘Thank you Lord, Thank you that I can afford it’. Anyway somewhere along my consulting career life in Lagos, I got a job somewhere in dolphin. One day I got a bank email alert and believe me I wasn’t singing ‘I don get alert’ nope. I was singing a totally different song. So anyway I decided I wanted to experience the other side of life even though I could cry and whine for certain people and I would get cash but nope I wanted to see the other side of life.

So I decided it was time to start taking a bus to work. Which I had no idea on how to. I am clueless when it comes to taking buses in Lagos. Infact the last time I climbed an okada (bike) was 2007. But I woke up determined to find a way. I found a colleague (now friend) who lives very close to me so she decided she would teach me, and that was how my bus journey commenced. To cut the lonnnnggg story short, I have seen it all; from crazy drivers to crazy humans. dead bodies just laying on the road. People living under the bridge, eating and cooking and taking a bath. Dammit.

First I didn’t reminder how to get on a bike. Was I meant to climb from the left side or right side? I was confused sha. And let’s not even talk about the speed at which the man was going. Anyway I found a way. Oya lets go there.

Got on the bus and it was cheap. Ehn are you kidding me? People inside the bus were complaining it was expensive and fares had gone up cause of fuel scarcity. I just smiled, and in my head I was like you don’t want to know how much I pay for cab. We got down and I had to do a long walk and the roads were wet and dirty. Damn mehn. At this point I was thinking, ‘what did I get myself into?’

Do we even want to start with the way bus drivers drive? What hell no. Can they just stay on their lane please? Another Hell No. how about the bus driver who was driving so fast in his patched up bus that the door of the bus came off on the express way? I kid you not.

Let’s fast forward to the day I had to go to work alone. Ehn they for show my face for NTA that day. Of cause the bus driver followed a place I had no idea about and that was where I saw people living under the bridge. Some sleeping, some cooking and eating and some taking a bath. I saw kids taking a bath under the bridge and getting ready for school. I saw mothers with babies under the bridge and my heart sank. Where is the father of those kids? Who got her pregnant? What kind of life is this? Long story short, when the bus stopped, I had no idea where I was but the impatient driver wanted us to all get down so he could get new passengers. I looked left then right then left and my very confused Johnny just come mind told me to go right. O ga o I am done for, today they shall declare me missing. Today that I decided not to follow the crowd. Anyway I just decided to ask somewhere after 5mins yes 5 whole minutes and they told me I was going in the wrong direction and I should turn back which I did. Eventually I realised I was on the other side of Obalende wow anyway yours truly found her way eventually yippee.

Now let’s talk about the people who forget that they are getting into the bus with other people and it is only right to take a bath before coming out of their houses. I bet you are laughing at me at this point. Some people smell like they have been living in caves perhaps they have because what I have learnt in the past couple of weeks with my experience is that anything is possible in Lagos.

I have learnt all kinds of slangs, half of which I have no idea what they mean. I have learnt that agbero is a profession. So don’t judge. School is for everyone but no everyone can afford it.

I have learnt to appreciate life and what I have. Appreciate the fact that I can still pay for cabs and have a driver chauffer me anywhere I want. I have come to appreciate the roof over my head and the warm bed I go home to everyday. Appreciate the fact that I can have whatever I want if I just asked for it.

I no longer take for granted where I am in life because it is not my doing but God. For those of us who have and can afford the good life, we take for granted what we have. We forget to take time out and be thankful for what we have because we are praying and craving for what we don’t have. I thought about all those people living under the bridge who have to take their baths on the road and eat whatever they see or have to beg for, what they would give to have a warm bed, roof over their heads and 3-4 meals every day.

God has been more than gracious to me and I thank him for that. Today take a moment and be thankful for what you have. Today don’t ask God for anything but simply just thank him for what you already have because it is his will that you prosper.

Eko Oni Baje.

Stay beautiful

xoxo Chantel

25 Thoughts on Love, Relationships, Friendships and becoming a better me.

I have been away but I am kind of back. Let’s just pretend I have been here all the while okay. Anyway in my away time, I did some reflecting and I put together 25 thoughts on love, relationship, friendship and becoming a better me. 

1. Live with self-esteem at the heart of your interactions because if you don’t love you, you would end up acting without love, care, trust, and respect towards other people and in situations that detract from you.

2. Pray when it’s the hardest and when you think God isn't listening because he is.

3. Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness

4. Friendship isn't about the quantity but the quality 

5. Any relationship where one person thinks that it can only be on their terms is a relationship to run in the opposite direction from. 

6. Dating is a discovery phase – you need to go into dating with a reasonable sense of trust and by paying attention to actions and words, you can roll back or increase your trust accordingly. Don’t go gaga and run around loving and trusting blindly because you would end up ignoring evidence that indicates that you need to slow down or abort mission. 

7. People tell you and show you who they are and you need to be listening and watching, not deciding that you know better. 

8. Avoid playing games in relationships because not only will you become uncertain as to what is genuine and what has been manipulated by the games, but you would also lose all credibility of the person if they become aware of it, plus if they’re dodgy they would take advantage of it.

9. Staying and complaining doesn't remove your accountability or do anything to improve the situation. 

10. Resisting the reality of something takes a lot more energy than accepting it – don’t give room for denial.

11. Desperation in any form mixed with dating and relationships makes a dangerous cocktail that can be smelt by an assclown shark from a million miles away. 

12. People who are genuinely interested in you not only show their interest, but they don’t resist you and don’t make their intentions or interactions ambiguous, plus you know they are interested without second guessing. 

13. Mistakes are growing pains but ultimately growing gains.

14. People unfold and keep unfolding.

15. We've got to stop exaggerating busy. Aside from the fact that busy doesn't equate to purposeful, we all choose what we want to be busy at. Busy people can love, have relationships and include others in their lives. 

16. Attempting to right the wrongs of a past that you weren't wholly or solely responsible for, leaves your present and future unattended to.

17. Don’t write online what you won’t be prepared to say to someone’s face.

18. Holding a grudge is like stabbing yourself over and over again – talk about it and let it go for your own sanity.

19. Don’t give away your choices. The words ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘maybe’, as well as ‘let me get back to you’, exist for a reason – use them. 

20. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take a moment and make it perfect.

21. Be careful of the forever hungry mind-set where you never appreciate what you have because your mind is always on the next proverbial meal. How would you know and appreciate what is more, when you never appreciated what you had?

22. Ups and downs are relative and personal hence why comparison and envy aren't the most productive or illuminating uses of your energy and time. 

23. You don’t have to be liked by everyone. No need to collect likes. Vibe with people who chime with your values and appreciate those who you don’t have to jump through hoops for them to appreciate who you are. 

24. Appreciate your life and how far you have come and look ahead to where you are going. Stop comparing your chapter X to another person’s chapter Y.

25. We don’t live in an ideal, fairy tale world so while it’s great that you know what you would think, feel and do under various circumstances, don’t project this on to other people and assume they are the same unless you have evidence that demonstrates this.

As usual stay beautiful 

Xoxo Chantel 

Broken Crayons

I don’t know about you, but I am my own worst critic. I’m usually the first to notice my short comings and I would beat myself over and over again for it.

As a child, I hated broken crayons. I just felt it was not good enough to color. But then I would see someone else pick up the same broken crayon and color with it and it would come out beautiful. What’s my point, well we humans we tend to push people who have problems away because we think they are not good enough.

Looking at myself, I am a broken crayon. But my color is still very vibrant and I’m still made with purpose. The only difference is I am not well put together and that’s ok. No one is perfect and once we learn it’s ok to not be perfect, we live and we grow.

Each of us has something different to offer the world. There is a humanity out there we are meant to ‘color’. To encourage. To serve. I believe there is a purpose for each and every one of us, and that purpose doesn't just disappear because we discover a chink in our own armor. 

Maybe, just maybe that broken piece, that cracked cistern, is what this world needs. God has a way of showing us that we aren't as ‘bad’ as we think we are and that he needs us. You may look at your friends or peeps and they are shining and their life looks perfect, just remember that they have their own problems and some may be similar to yours. Also remember that by focusing on what others have, you allow your blessings to fall short.

You don’t have what others have because it is not meant for you. At least not in the now. Life is an express lane and it’s okay to overtake.

We have trials and errors so we can have testimonies and work harder when our season comes. I don’t know about you, but I relate well to people who admit their failures than people who pretend to be perfect. The world has enough pretense already. Let’s be real and keep coloring even when we’re broken. So find a broken person today and remind them that they have something to offer the world.

And if that person happens to be you, keep coloring. The world needs you.

And together, we’ll make a masterpiece.

Happy New Year and A Few Words

Happy 2015.

Greetings from C’s World. So I’m still in the holiday mode seeing that I spent half of my holiday time ill anyway and just when I’m recovering properly, it’s time to get back to work. Me no like. But me need money…so okay.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my thoughts on relationships and self-esteem. Your support means a lot and I am humbled that I've been able to be part of your journey and that what I share here with you has been helpful somehow (I hope).

Life is an ongoing journey and you never stop learning, with the same situations being thrown at you until you heed lessons. We only have one life, so we should be conscientious with who we choose to make our journey with.

2014 has come and gone with a lot of reflecting done. The New Year has come and we are looking ahead, planning and worrying.  A New Year brings with it fresh uncertainties and a blank slate. 

I used to be scared of uncertainty but then I have come to realize that uncertainty is part of the package of life. When we accept uncertainty, then we also accept possibilities instead of seeing uncertainty as a ‘bad’ thing. Let’s put our energy in the present because that is where we have the power to be our best selves and more. To do our best work, and do things which align with who we are, where we want to be (our goals, values and aspirations).

Just Remember

Whatever 2015 holds, there is hope. Don’t give up on you, your now, and your future. Do find the blessings in disguise in what may have been some painful lessons, and definitely don’t dim your light. Be you and all that it entails. Remember that we all have flaws one way or another but your flaws don’t actually distinguish you. Don’t aspire to be superhuman. Be you.

Happy New Year.