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It is wisdom that women need to
set standards for themselves. Men respect standards. But the truth is everyone
(maybe not everyone) has standards; or needs respect. Knowing yourself and what
you want can be very powerful and attractive. However, unless the object of
your interest is a mind-reader, better communicate and communicate clearly what
you want or risk losing a great opportunity.
See often than not we tend to
confuse standards and expectations although the two words are often used
interchangeably. However what your standards are should be different from what
your expectations are. Standards is how you conduct yourself and expectations
is how others act. More like how you expect others to act towards you.
From that definition yeah it
would be safe to say that a woman’s standards would be that she would not have
sex on the first date, or she would pay for her own cab or something else.
While for a guy it may be that he would pay for dinner and not let you chip in,
or that he won’t call you as often as you would want so it doesn't seem like
his bothering you. These are all behaviors we expect from ourselves.
Now expectations on the other
hand is the behavior we want from others. Say for example, you as a woman
would expect a man to arrive on time to pick you up for a date and expect him
to call when his going to be late. Or say open the car door for her. P.S. he has to be extremely old fashioned to
open your car door because men of this generation would not. (Now that’s
too much expectation if u ask me. #just saying I might be wrong). While a man
might be expecting a woman to have sex with him on the first date. (Error...Lool).
In dating, when two people’s
standards and expectations are in alignment, there would be no issues. However,
if it’s not the case there is bound to be problems.
This is where communication comes
in. communication is very important. Regardless of whether you are dating or
thinking about it. There is no point sending mixed signals or false notions.
Just say what you expect and state it clearly. Like make sure you are both on
the same page and you understand yourselves. Like I said earlier ‘your object
of interest is not a mind-reader. I repeat NOT a mind-reader.
Admittedly, how someone deals
with the information you have provided them based on your expectations, would
give you valuable insight into his/her standards, and how interested he/she is
in connecting with you.
We have to keep in mind that
expectations does not guarantee that we would get the results we want; and if
left unchecked, can result into us getting our feelings hurt or being lonely.
Sometimes it’s okay to be flexible. But just be careful with your flexibility.
We should allow our expectations to be guidelines and food for conversations
and not hard and fast rules. Temper them with compassion, curiosity and
judgement; and give time for good communication before we make the final
decision. Sometimes, you might find out that the man of your dreams didn't want
to offend you so he arrived early for a date or the woman of your dream doesn't
believe in ‘Dutch’ on the first date. At the end of the day yeah what really
matters is if the reward is good enough.
Have your
standards, just don’t let your standards have you.
As usual stay
beautiful always.
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