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Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Standards and Expectations

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It is wisdom that women need to set standards for themselves. Men respect standards. But the truth is everyone (maybe not everyone) has standards; or needs respect. Knowing yourself and what you want can be very powerful and attractive. However, unless the object of your interest is a mind-reader, better communicate and communicate clearly what you want or risk losing a great opportunity.

See often than not we tend to confuse standards and expectations although the two words are often used interchangeably. However what your standards are should be different from what your expectations are. Standards is how you conduct yourself and expectations is how others act. More like how you expect others to act towards you.

From that definition yeah it would be safe to say that a woman’s standards would be that she would not have sex on the first date, or she would pay for her own cab or something else. While for a guy it may be that he would pay for dinner and not let you chip in, or that he won’t call you as often as you would want so it doesn't seem like his bothering you. These are all behaviors we expect from ourselves.

Now expectations on the other hand is the behavior we want from others. Say for example, you as a woman would expect a man to arrive on time to pick you up for a date and expect him to call when his going to be late. Or say open the car door for her. P.S. he has to be extremely old fashioned to open your car door because men of this generation would not. (Now that’s too much expectation if u ask me. #just saying I might be wrong). While a man might be expecting a woman to have sex with him on the first date. (Error...Lool).

In dating, when two people’s standards and expectations are in alignment, there would be no issues. However, if it’s not the case there is bound to be problems.
This is where communication comes in. communication is very important. Regardless of whether you are dating or thinking about it. There is no point sending mixed signals or false notions. Just say what you expect and state it clearly. Like make sure you are both on the same page and you understand yourselves. Like I said earlier ‘your object of interest is not a mind-reader. I repeat NOT a mind-reader.

Admittedly, how someone deals with the information you have provided them based on your expectations, would give you valuable insight into his/her standards, and how interested he/she is in connecting with you.
We have to keep in mind that expectations does not guarantee that we would get the results we want; and if left unchecked, can result into us getting our feelings hurt or being lonely. Sometimes it’s okay to be flexible. But just be careful with your flexibility. We should allow our expectations to be guidelines and food for conversations and not hard and fast rules. Temper them with compassion, curiosity and judgement; and give time for good communication before we make the final decision. Sometimes, you might find out that the man of your dreams didn't want to offend you so he arrived early for a date or the woman of your dream doesn't believe in ‘Dutch’ on the first date. At the end of the day yeah what really matters is if the reward is good enough.

Have your standards, just don’t let your standards have you.       
As usual stay beautiful always.


7 comments:

  1. Preach girl. I agree, guys of these days do not open doors for jack!
    It is important to maintain our standards as women and also men need to do that too.
    Expectation dents standards big time!

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  2. If knowledge like this, along with others are actually put to use, new entrants to the world of dating would have a good chance of not getting hurt.
    While those who have taken on the FAST RULE can retrace their steps, allowing for a better shot at achieving a successful relationship, with good communication & clearer judgement. Sometimes as humans, we need a reminder on Standards & Expectations.
    A well written piece I must say ;). Keep it coming Sister :D.

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  3. Readable stuff. Look forward to more.

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  4. Good stuff.Fact said

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  5. I love how you've nailed this. You've captured two rather contrasting words and simplified them that the context becomes clearer.
    I like to say that your examples are real time and very relatable. Lemme say though that you are a lil wrong cos I still open the door for women. As a matter of fact, I hold it still when I see a woman approaching. It is simple etiquette. However, we all all quick to blame men but how many women know that when a man opens the door to a car for example for you, you ought to do same from the inside by opening his?
    I deduce and agree that most of the problems we have is as a result of bad human relationship, which can be bridged with effective communication.

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