Things you shouldn't give up for love or a relationship

Love for me isn’t being with someone who makes you feel weak, like you can’t do anything without them. No one needs love that would keep reminding them of their weaknesses. Instead find love that knows your weaknesses but still tells you you’re strong. Love that encourages you. Makes you feel strong and when you fall picks you up and tells you it’s okay to fall. A love that makes you feel like you can conquer the world even when down.

It’s important to remember what you should NEVER give up for love or a relationship. And that’s what this is about. A reminder for me and you.

1. YOUR IMPERFECT MAGNIFICENCE

It’s not hard for someone to tell you ‘I love you’ but it’s hard to find someone who means it. But eventually you would find that someone and until then, you shouldn’t have to settle. Find someone who isn’t afraid to tell you they miss you when they actually do. Because people can tell you they ‘miss you’ cos that’s what you want to hear. Someone who knows you’re not perfect but wants to be with you anyway. Someone who says ‘I love you’ and proves it day in day out. Someone who sees you when you wake up in the morning without make-up and your hair all messy but smiles cause to them you are still beautiful.

Remember, to the people who truly love you, you are magnificent already.

2. THE RIGHT TO DECIDE YOURSELF

Don’t and I mean DON’T put the keys to your happiness, peace of mind and growth into the pockets of someone else. Relationships are not about authority and obedience; they’re agreements of respect and love. You can’t shouldn’t live your entire life through someone else’s fantasies. You should be able to do you. Give but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to those who love you, but DON’T lose track of your inner voice.

3. YOUR INNATE HUMAN NEEDS TO BE UNDERSTOOD

There is nothing honestly as beautiful as being understood and being able to understand someone else. Even when there are disagreements, every healthy relationship should have this mutual understanding- a loving space filled with listening and compromise.

So remember to listen without defending and speaking without offending. Communication isn’t just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.

4. THE FREEDOM TO LOVE

Love is the creative force of the universe. It is important in everyone’s life. When it is present in our lives, we feel happier, more optimistic and fulfilled. Without it, we are angry, cynical, resentful people; critical of others and ourselves, effectively squashing the greatness that exist within us, and diminishing our own light.

So open your heart and let love out. Love yourself. Love people. Love experiences. And let go of those people who try to stop you.

5. THE COURAGE AND WILLINGNESS TO EXPERIMENT WITH LIFE

To truly live, you must lose your fear of being wrong. You have to remember that doing something and getting it wrong, is a million times better than doing at all. Even when things seem not to work out, they do. Because in the end, experience is what you get and like the saying goes ‘experience is the best teacher’. You may not get what you wanted, but experience is the most valuable thing you can give.

So don’t be timid and squeamish about your choices. Don’t let someone scare you out of failing forward. All of life is an experiment.

6. YOUR JOY

Never let anything or anyone get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and makes you laugh out loud every day. Every day may not be beautiful but don’t let that phase you because the joy is your alive and that counts. Because you don’t want to get to the end and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and errands and receipts and empty promises.

So sing out loud in the shower *my fav time of the day*, in your car. Throw parties, hang with friends approach that chic you’re not sure off *you won’t die if she says no* tell that dude who makes u cry to sod off. Write a book, poetry or song. Just be happy and keep living and laughing and making God glad he gave life to someone who truly loves and cherishes the gift.

7. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDING THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF

If a relationship is closing you up from the world, making you feel bad about yourself; it’s time to let go. It’s time to choose love over deception. After all, that’s what love is all about – freedom.

So don’t blame love if a relationship is interfering with other important relationships, or robbing you or your self-esteem or your freedom. It isn’t love that’s stealing from you. Its possession, obsession, manipulation, and confusion. Love has nothing to do with your situation. Love doesn’t close the door on happiness and liberty, it opens it wide to let more in.

It is easier to fill the empty space within your life where someone use to be, than fill the empty space within yourself where YOU use to be.

8. YOUR INNER PEACE AND COMPOSURE

No matter how awesome you are in life, some people would still say you’re not good enough. People would still upset you, disrespect you and treat you badly. Let them be. Hatred and negativity filling your heart and mind, will only consume you and your potential. You will begin to heal and grow emotionally when you let go of these past hurts, excuse the people who have wronged you, and forgive yourself for misjudgements.

Bottom Line: learning to ignore certain people and situations is one of the great paths to inner peace. So let GO when you must. Let them be so you can have your peace of mind intact.

What else would you add to this list?  

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo :) 

Why won't you love me baby?

Sometimes we come across people we like hoping that they would like us back. But however, this person might just be so wounded from past relationships that at the moment they are emotionally unavailable and have baggage so full it can fill an airport terminal. Even with that, we tend to think that perhaps with us it just might be different…why? Because you think you can see past their problems, and see potential in them….But hey

That’s the problem….

When someone doesn't isn't ready to be in a relationship, or they seem to have limited access to their emotions, or they seem to be terrified of intimacy to the point where they get clammy at the thought of commitment, at that point, it doesn't matter if your love is as big as an ocean or comes in a platinum case with a nice bow on it promising the sun, moon and stars or even the world. If they say they don’t want it…they just don’t want it simples. Nothing you can do about that. It doesn't matter who you are or the kind of love you offer..at that point, you could be anyone and until they resolve their issues, you will not extract a loving relationship from them. As the saying goes ‘you can drag a horse to the river, but you can’t force it to drink’

You may see past their problems and feel that you love them in spite of their baggage and may see yourself as all loving and caring and all the nice things you think you and your love can offer, but how you see you, is not how they see you.

No matter what you say or do, they perceive you, by the very fact that you’re either in a relationship with them, or hankering for one, that you want, need, or expect more than they’re prepared to be wanted, needed, and expected from.

If you've been with a Mr or Mrs unavailable, you won’t be the first person that has ever felt something for them.

Sometimes, we make the mistake of expending copious amounts of energy ‘running on the spot’ by investing ourselves and emotions into limited relationships with people that have a limited ability and capacity for love, which in turn creates a limited result.

You don’t want to be an equivalent of that pushy used car salesman that doesn't know when to back off. It doesn't translate well to relationships.

If they can’t see past their problems and insecurities, what is the point in you doing it for them? You can’t do all the loving, security, responsibility, accountability, trusting, caring, and respecting in the relationship.

They don’t have to want your love. This is not a yard sale where you think ‘it’s cheap! Someone should want it!’ ehn ehn.

The moment someone doesn't want you, you need to be asking yourself why you’re still wanting them. Period. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn't mean you should switch off your feelings automatically but you should be coming back to earth at this point with a very loud, resounding bump.

Alarm bells should be ringing! If they’re not -my alarm bells are ringing for you!

More importantly, don’t treat your love like a hot potato that you can’t wait to offload and certainly don’t put your life on hold because you’re stuck ‘loving’ someone that doesn't love you. Their lack of interest is a red flag….Use it to extricate yourself out of what will become an even more painful situation if you don’t back off. There is better out there for you…best believe it.   

As usual stay beautiful. 

Lazy Communication

You see am the kind of girl who likes to text. Jeez I can text all day and never get tired. But I also like phone calls too. So let me be clear about something, nobody and I mean absolutely nobody is soooooo busy that they can only manage to text, email or instant message you. Somewhere along the line, people find time to call even if it’s just for a minute.

When a man relies primarily on text messaging or instant messaging as a mean of communicating with you, it’s not  because he’s a new age man, and it’s not because he is trying to manage his time effectively.

He is simply just trying to use ‘new’ forms of communication to control how both of you correspond so he can control the relationship. He wants to keep at a distance and it’s likely because he is emotionally unavailable, an assclown, or just both.

Now don’t get me wrong a man who is trying to get to know you would might start off with texting you to break the ice but eventually in that long run of trying to woo you or chase you, he would call when the ice is broken and you two are comfortable with yourselves. But if after 2months of texting he still hasn’t called? Omo babe you know nah.

When a man is too lazy to communicate with you properly, why waste the air you breathe on him? Trust me, if lazy communication exist in your relationship, there are other problems there waiting for you to open the Pandora box.

Have you ever spent loads of time analysing a text message or an email? I have oh!

Have you ever reread a text trying to gauge the meaning or read waaay more into it? Oh yes you got that right. I have!

Wondering if he has a wife or girlfriend stashed away? I have!

Wondering why you haven’t heard from him but yet he’s been active on other social networks? I have! *stalker much* lol

Texting and instant messaging, even emails too are all open to interpretation and it’s very easy to misconstrue tone. If a dude relies on these methods of communication with you, you will build sandcastles in the sky because really, when you spend your time reading into things, you can make it any relationship you want it to be.

It’s one thing if his using these forms of communication as a secondary way of communicating with you in conjunction with picking up the phone, and seeing you face to face. But you should certainly not accept these means as a primary method of communication.

Men who don’t make an effort and who aren't interested in forging a relationship with you will opt for these lazy forms of communication.

You may start out this way at first like I said, but he should want to progress the conversation and let you into his life. You don’t need to work out the why’s, where’s and how’s and you certainly should not go down the route of trying to force him to communicate with you via other means.

Why should you have to force him to do something that comes naturally to people who actually want to have a relationship and want to put both feet in?

Nobody is so busy that they can only bring themselves to call you when they need an ego massage or a shag.

Tell me what you think. Am I right? Or just over-analysing?

As usual stay beautiful