TOLERANCE, AN IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP VIRTUE

*walks in, looks around and starts clearing all the cobwebs..lool* Yes i know i have away...dollar is high..that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it.

‘I hate how she presses the toothpaste from the middle and not the bottom’

‘Oh and let’s not even talk about the fact that he doesn’t replace the cap back on after using the toothpaste’

And then what? I ask.

Often times I wonder why is it so difficult for most of us to show tolerance towards others. Like why is it so important to have things go ‘our way’, win an argument or a game? Why does everything have to be a competition? Why do we often have to have the last word? Why do we walk away from a verbal wrestle thinking: ‘oh damn, I did show him/her’! Or ‘good, I’ve really put her in her place this time!’ why do we need to engage in a verbal wrestle at all?

We often talk about Tolerance. But do we really know what it means? Tolerance according to the oxford dictionary, means having a disposition to be patient with or indulgent to the opinions or practice of others.

I believe a lot of us have that strong competitive streak about us, which may have well being part of our genetic make-up but is also strongly reinforced by the society we live in where WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

At what point do we get in tuned to the spirit of competition? Is it at a tender age? Thinking about it now, I would suspect so; especially for those of us who have other siblings. As soon as a sibling appears in our world, we most likely begin right there and then to compete for mother’s attention. We get put out when we realise-somewhere in our first year of life that she has other things to attend to apart from cuddling or feeding us. And so it continues. God help him or her who tries to play with our toys by the time we are 2. Claim Daddy’s knee that we believe has only OUR name on it at age 3; show off the pretty dress to Sandy whose dress is nowhere as gorgeous as MINE at age 4; tell Rob next door that ‘MY’ daddy is bigger than yours, so watch out! At age 5. And it goes on and on. If we don’t have people in our world who have an understanding of these dynamics or who are unable to help us balance our natural selfishness (which is a normal part of child’s growth process) with a level of empathy and sensitivity, the competitive spirit simply grows and grows within us.

School forces us into its own competitive mold. If we do well academically, are the prettiest girl or the sportiest boy you get a lot of positive reinforcement! If not, you simply fade into the background. If you are unable to keep up with the majority of kids, happen to have a wart on your nose or suffer the great misfortune of being covered with acne, you’ll most likely be the butt for cruel jokes. If you’ve been subjected to years of this type of treatment, by the time you reach adulthood you will have absorbed tens of thousands of demeaning messages, and chances are high that you have come to the following conclusion:

‘If I am not a winner I must be a loser’

‘If I don’t conform, I just don’t fit’

‘If I don’t perform to some external standard, I’m a failure’

So then giving all of that, is it any wonder that being tolerant of others is pretty difficult? Not really!

But as easy as it is to understand, it also needs to be noted that intolerance is incredibly tough on our relationships and can be an absolute deal-breaker.

Looking at the example I gave above: how important is it that the cap of the toothpaste is replaced or that the toothpaste be pressed from the bottom not the middle. Who dies if it’s not done the ‘right way’?

Why make such a big deal out of something so insignificant? It’s ANNOYING!  Yes sure but so what? Everyone has their vices but is it worth fighting over NOTHING? I don’t think so.

Am I saying that you shouldn’t address those idiosyncrasies that drive your partner crazy? Not at all! I am only suggesting that you don’t get your knickers in a knot over some habit, personality quirks or other expression of your partner’s need to retain a part of themselves in the relationship because IT SIMPLY IS NOT WORTH THE FIGHT.

Think about it- what might happen if you show a bit of tolerance?

How would it be if you lost the occasional battle?

I would like to challenge you to ask yourself how you feel each time intolerance strikes. There could be a million reasons hiding in your past that may be responsible for why you feel intolerant. Be sure to explore all possibilities and do whatever you can to get rid of any destructive baggage that you carry with you from the past. On that note I would leave you with this:

·         Every so often be sure to let others enjoy the pleasure of being right

·         Pick your battles wisely

·         Don’t major on things of minor importance

·         Always give others the benefit of doubt

·         Remember that people are imperfect

·         Recognise that YOU ARE IMPERFECT TOO……. and realise that the world won’t come to an end if you get things wrong every so often!

Let’s Learn to Tolerant each other. 

Who are you?

‘Don’t be too successful and chase the men away’ she said and I replied; ‘if a man is scared of my success then that’s not the kind of man I want to be with’…so I looked at him and asked ‘are men really scared of strong successful women?  He pauses for a while then says; ‘the honest truth is men like strong successful women and every woman wants same from her man but there is more going on than merely a meeting of the minds’.

Hmmm and that got me thinking right! What never really occurs to any of us is that:

We are being evaluated on far more than our most ‘impressive traits’.

Sometimes these traits come with a significant downside that is painful to acknowledge. Take me for example right! I’m a reasonable person (at least I think I am), I’m fairly independent, I’m smart, great sense of humor, I can hold a good conversation and so on; but right behind my good traits are a series of bad traits. Anyone who knows me to a certain level can testify to that:

The flip side of being bright is being opinionated

The flip side of being analytical is being difficult

The flip side of being funny is being sarcastic

The flip side of having moral clarity is being arrogant

The flip side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic

The flip side of being charismatic is being self-centred

The flip side of being a go-getter is being impatient

Again, NOT EVERY person who is bright is opinionated, and NOT EVERY person who is funny is sarcastic. But there’s enough anecdotal evidence to suggest a strong correlation. And I’m just talking about MYSELF here. So if my good qualities come with bad qualities, have you considered that yours might as well?

We all have that perception that it’s hard meeting people who would appreciate our qualities. I mean what we think is great and what we’re putting out there, and how people actually see us tends to be very different.

At some point I believed I was unlucky in love with a penchant for attracting emotionally unavailable men and assclowns. I often described myself as ambitious, a go-getter, outgoing, attractive, intelligent, and then some more. Whilst there is no escaping the fact that I did go out with men who acted like assclowns at some point, it was a bit of a shocker to discover that on a deeper, honest, reflection, I was aloof, picky, sarcastic, pushy, and often times difficult where I thought I was having fun and being ‘entertaining’.

It’s always very easy to focus on the surface qualities that we believe are our selling points and totally ignore other more important characteristics and behaviors that may possibly be impacting on our ability to have relationships. It doesn’t matter how intelligent, pretty/handsome or ambitious you are; if you’re afraid of commitment and subconsciously sabotaging anything that may lead to it.

There’s no point in being beautiful/handsome if you don’t act that way or harbor beliefs about your own abilities that impact on your self-esteem. We also have to accept that if we can find faults and flaws with others…that people will find those with us too. No one is perfect.

It’s not about taking the onus off the people that don’t appreciate us for who we are but it is about taking responsibility for who you are and recognizing that not everything about you is that wonderful. I used to be able to list countless faults (infact I could write a book if I had to) about the men I met and dated, but rarely paid attention to my own flaws. It’s so easy for us to mention the faults of others and not look at ours. It’s so easy to blame the ex on everything that went wrong in the relationship and forget we were also part of the relationship (it takes two to tango). At some point in my life I realized that, who I thought I was and who I really was had to reconcile and in that, I hope I’m able to forge far better relationships from an honest level.

So next time you bemoan your relationship luck and list your surface qualities, view yourself from another person’s perspective and even play back recent dates and scenes from previous relationships in your mind.

Could you be doing something differently?

Let me know your opinion

Xoxo Chantel 

Blogger & OAP Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos to Celebrate another year in her life

Blogger & OAP, Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos To Celebrate Her Birthday

Elsie Godwin, a final year student of Lagos State University, is a Nigerian Entrepreneur who has carved a niche as a prolific Lifestyle and Relationship online and on-air personality.

In 2014 she identified and saw the need to be heard, her strong opinion on relationship and lifestyle in general, led her to becoming a blogger hence the www.elsieisy.com platform. That soon got her the attention of many from her strong and insightful posts on relationship and self-esteem amongst young people.

Today she reaches over 30k people daily online, her fame online has led to her founding the “hangout with Elsieisy platform”; a platform that gives room for her online family to meet her physically to share and discus their life experiences. This has created a connect amongst so many of her readers, built new opportunities for network and businesses within Elsians as she so fondly calls them.

She is currently the host of an online radio show on Happenings Radio called “Crux of the Matter” this is just to add to the responds and answers to the questions of many online.

She is also currently shooting a show on AQC AFRICA as the host of “Making the Stories”; a campus TV show design to introduce admission and requirements, guide students/ applicants through school activities and lifestyle around Africa.

Elsie is a God fearing woman, a passionate and visionary personality, she supports and believes in the agenda for a new and better Nigeria. She believes in freedom of expression and the need for less hypocrisy and more bluntness in the society.

See more photos 

Happy birthday Elsie

Styled by FloDee Clothing (Instagram – Flodeeco)

Hair by Xclusive Salon Wahala ( Instagram – Xclusivesalonwahala)

Make up by Rainbow Artistry (Instagram – Rainbows_artistry)

What happened to Romance?

source 

First of happy new year! Let's pretend I've being here all along. 

Hold up! Before we get into the crux of the matter *takes a look at Elsie, wink wink*, let me make something very clear. I am not and I repeat I am not an overly romantic person. Maybe I’m just ‘old fashioned’ when it comes to dating? I don’t know.

But anyway, I’ve noticed a trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say

What happened to romance?

What happening to wooing? What happened to a guy asking a girl out on a date and getting to know each other? What happened to a guy making plans and picking a girl up from her house instead of asking her to meet you there? What happened to calling a girl to speak to her; instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via BBM and Whats App? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

Social media has really changed the dating game. It not only creates a need for instant gratification, but it also creates a whole new set of barriers between people. Why bother making the effort to call a girl when you can just text her yeah? Or wait better still, text three girls at the same time? Why try to think on your feet and be charming in person, when you can analyse your every word before sending a carefully structured bbm or whats app message? And most importantly, why bother getting to know a girl when you can just look at her Instagram and Facebook profile?

I remember a guy who saying to me ‘let’s hang out’ and I’m like, ‘are you asking me out on a date’? Or are you asking me to ‘hang out’ like you would ask one of your male buddies? I mean like really though it’s just a date not a marriage proposal.

Call me old fashion, but I think the weirdness of these interactions should at least be addressed. No wooing, no lead up or getting to know each other. There was no effort at all. Are you really supposed to get to know someone in a crowded bar awkwardly sipping a cocktail as you try to decide if you should go ahead and have a third one or not?

I mean how much quicker can we move the dating game? Has the need for instant gratification become so great that we don’t even think it’s worth sharing a meal with a person if we don’t know for sure that it will work out? Technology essentially makes it effortless for guys and girls to get in tough these days. So why not put in a little effort somewhere else? Like on the actual date.

Why not add a little romance?

My opinion what’s yours?

Xoxo

Chantel 

Cheating

source 

So I saw this screenshot message from an older woman telling all younger women how to act in their marriages. She was of the opinion that ‘all men cheat’. Hours after, my cousin sends me a link to the picture and we start to talk about it. So she’s saying to me that she has friends who have told her the same thing and she wanted to know my opinion about it.

Personally I do not like to generalize simply because I have come to learn that every human is different in their own special way. So just because you have been in 1 or 2 relationships where your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that every other person you meet in the future is also like that. I mean like; no human is the criteria for the world so why judge everyone in that light? I know there are people who would say otherwise and criticize what I am saying but that’s your opinion and we are all entitled to that. So you don’t have to agree with me.

This oft-repeated myth that ‘all men cheat’ in my opinion is just a myth. But women say it to each other when their friend’s boyfriend or husband is caught cheating and men say it to one another simply to comfort themselves and naturalize their infidelities.

People would say ‘men cheat’ because it’s in their nature to do so. Okay. But at the end of the day I think it all boils down to Principles. We are faithful to our partners simply because we made a commitment to do so and because we don’t want to hurt them. When relationships fall apart because of cheating, it’s because of betrayal and a breach of trust more than it is about the physical act of sex.

Relationships need to be based on trust and honesty, which means somewhere in the ‘getting to know you’ part, you would have shared your past experiences whether good or bad.  If you have been cheated on in the past, this can be a very devastating experience with far reaching effects. But like I always say, you have no business being in a relationship if you have emotional baggage and it’s an issue which exceeds the maximum weight. If you have emotional baggage big enough to fill an airport terminal then please you have no business being in a relationship until you sort yourself out. If you’re so badly hurt from past relationships that you can’t trust anyone, then you need to work on your issues and preferably alone.

I know men who have cheated and I know women who have cheated. So the myth that ‘all men cheat’ is not 100% true. Since Victorian times, women have been viewed as the ones responsible for maintaining ‘morality’ in society and keeping men in check. While men are viewed as penises (please excuse my being so straight forward) with legs; incapable of rational thought once faced with the prospect of touching a boob.

So when women say ‘all men cheat’ they are simply doing two things: enabling one another to stay in relationships with men who are sketchy, selfish liars, and two teach men that they aren’t accountable for their own behavior. Aside from that, the notion that ‘all men cheat’ is a lie.

I honestly don’t buy into the ‘men are ruled by their dick’ story-line. I think that’s just an excuse to let men off the hook in terms of accountability for their own behavior and reinforces untrue stereotypes.

What are your thoughts? Please share.

Stay beautiful

Xoxo

Chantel 

The Sisterhood Award

i got tagged in this award (pic above) by the ever wonderful Honeydame. I was suppose to respond to this like ages ago but procastination is a rubbish thing. Anyhow i've decided to get around to it before the award is taken away *smile*. Here we go. 

1. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex, boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, potential? (hahahahaha, for the heck of it)

Lmao...this kind of question sef.. i have no weapon..Infact to be honest i don't even need it...they just happen to come along....cause i'm hot like that *wink wink*

2. What was/is a major deciding factor in your choice of career?

Hmmmmm i never planned to be in HR really..i always wanted to do International relations or Business law...but then i started working and found myself in HR i liked it and decided to go back to school to study it and have a degree and the rest is history 

3. What was/is a major deciding factor in your decision to be with or not to be with your current significant other?

*clears throat* significant other? did she say 'significant other'? *looks around* honey where....*looks around again* whereeee (i think you get the point already but if u don't just search your inner soul and it would come to you) 

4. What does the colour "black" represent to you?

Just one thing...i didn't have the energy to put anything colorful together. 

5. Toinlicious vs HoneyDame, who is saner (Aha, now you gotta read both blogs!!!)

Buhahahahahaa...Please i am still contemplating this fact... both of you are just cray cray..To my other readers who don't know who these two cray cray girls are please check their blogs Here and Here. 

6. Novels or Movies?

Actually it depends on my mood and the movie or the book

7. Your favorite season of the year is?

Definitely Winter..Anyone who knows me knows i get sunburns easily so i hate to go under the sun and i can't stand heat  

8. The 8th Wonder of the world should be ___________

ME....Yes pun intended 

9. How many of your current friends were made in elementary/primary school?

Honeyboo just one....as for the rest i don't even remember their names or what they look like

10. Do you believe in the power of thoughts?

Oh Yes Yes Yes i doooo. And because of that i have truly become conscious of my thoughts 

Woohooo finally the questions have come to an end. Okay so the rule is i am suppose to thank the blogger who tagged me, put up the blog award, ask 10 questions and then tag 5 people. The first two i have already done. But you see rules are meant to be broken right? So yes i am breaking the rules. 

I hereby tag these people *cocky smile*

Toinlicious 

1+ the one 

Cherry (Mrs somebody) 

Missy T 

T.Notes

My Questions

1. Why did you start blogging?

2. What is that one thing that ticks you off?

3. If you had a chance to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

4. What makes you tick, motivates you?

5. If you had super powers what would it be?

6. Would you consider yourself to be a social person?

7. What's your worse fear?

8. If you had a million dollars what would you do?

9. What color of socks are you wearing right now?

10. What's your least favorite word (s)? 

11. What has been your best present? 

BTW T.Notes...Thanks for checking out my blog..yes i saw you. 

Okay bye..I shall be back with a new blog update once i can finish writing it *rolls my eyes* 

As always 

Stay Beautiful 

xoxo

Chantel 

My Lagos Journey

This is not my usual kind of post but I just had to write about this. This is a story of my Lagos experience. Is that even the right title for this post? anyway, Would I consider myself an aje butter? Ermmm I think so. But hey I have kpaki in me.

Let’s just say I can be whatever I want to be. Is me that have myself abi? Anyway sha back to the matter. I am one of those people who would be inside their car looking at those standing at the bus stop (my sarcastic side is asking, if they don't stand at the bus stop where would they be?) waiting for bus and okada and keke (okada with roof). But best believe it, I’m very very extremely thankful that I can afford to enter motor and be chauffeured wherever I want to go, paying for cabs every other day. I sit in my car looking out at those who can’t afford it and in my heart I just say ‘Thank you Lord, Thank you that I can afford it’. Anyway somewhere along my consulting career life in Lagos, I got a job somewhere in dolphin. One day I got a bank email alert and believe me I wasn’t singing ‘I don get alert’ nope. I was singing a totally different song. So anyway I decided I wanted to experience the other side of life even though I could cry and whine for certain people and I would get cash but nope I wanted to see the other side of life.

So I decided it was time to start taking a bus to work. Which I had no idea on how to. I am clueless when it comes to taking buses in Lagos. Infact the last time I climbed an okada (bike) was 2007. But I woke up determined to find a way. I found a colleague (now friend) who lives very close to me so she decided she would teach me, and that was how my bus journey commenced. To cut the lonnnnggg story short, I have seen it all; from crazy drivers to crazy humans. dead bodies just laying on the road. People living under the bridge, eating and cooking and taking a bath. Dammit.

First I didn’t reminder how to get on a bike. Was I meant to climb from the left side or right side? I was confused sha. And let’s not even talk about the speed at which the man was going. Anyway I found a way. Oya lets go there.

Got on the bus and it was cheap. Ehn are you kidding me? People inside the bus were complaining it was expensive and fares had gone up cause of fuel scarcity. I just smiled, and in my head I was like you don’t want to know how much I pay for cab. We got down and I had to do a long walk and the roads were wet and dirty. Damn mehn. At this point I was thinking, ‘what did I get myself into?’

Do we even want to start with the way bus drivers drive? What hell no. Can they just stay on their lane please? Another Hell No. how about the bus driver who was driving so fast in his patched up bus that the door of the bus came off on the express way? I kid you not.

Let’s fast forward to the day I had to go to work alone. Ehn they for show my face for NTA that day. Of cause the bus driver followed a place I had no idea about and that was where I saw people living under the bridge. Some sleeping, some cooking and eating and some taking a bath. I saw kids taking a bath under the bridge and getting ready for school. I saw mothers with babies under the bridge and my heart sank. Where is the father of those kids? Who got her pregnant? What kind of life is this? Long story short, when the bus stopped, I had no idea where I was but the impatient driver wanted us to all get down so he could get new passengers. I looked left then right then left and my very confused Johnny just come mind told me to go right. O ga o I am done for, today they shall declare me missing. Today that I decided not to follow the crowd. Anyway I just decided to ask somewhere after 5mins yes 5 whole minutes and they told me I was going in the wrong direction and I should turn back which I did. Eventually I realised I was on the other side of Obalende wow anyway yours truly found her way eventually yippee.

Now let’s talk about the people who forget that they are getting into the bus with other people and it is only right to take a bath before coming out of their houses. I bet you are laughing at me at this point. Some people smell like they have been living in caves perhaps they have because what I have learnt in the past couple of weeks with my experience is that anything is possible in Lagos.

I have learnt all kinds of slangs, half of which I have no idea what they mean. I have learnt that agbero is a profession. So don’t judge. School is for everyone but no everyone can afford it.

I have learnt to appreciate life and what I have. Appreciate the fact that I can still pay for cabs and have a driver chauffer me anywhere I want. I have come to appreciate the roof over my head and the warm bed I go home to everyday. Appreciate the fact that I can have whatever I want if I just asked for it.

I no longer take for granted where I am in life because it is not my doing but God. For those of us who have and can afford the good life, we take for granted what we have. We forget to take time out and be thankful for what we have because we are praying and craving for what we don’t have. I thought about all those people living under the bridge who have to take their baths on the road and eat whatever they see or have to beg for, what they would give to have a warm bed, roof over their heads and 3-4 meals every day.

God has been more than gracious to me and I thank him for that. Today take a moment and be thankful for what you have. Today don’t ask God for anything but simply just thank him for what you already have because it is his will that you prosper.

Eko Oni Baje.

Stay beautiful

xoxo Chantel

25 Thoughts on Love, Relationships, Friendships and becoming a better me.

I have been away but I am kind of back. Let’s just pretend I have been here all the while okay. Anyway in my away time, I did some reflecting and I put together 25 thoughts on love, relationship, friendship and becoming a better me. 

1. Live with self-esteem at the heart of your interactions because if you don’t love you, you would end up acting without love, care, trust, and respect towards other people and in situations that detract from you.

2. Pray when it’s the hardest and when you think God isn't listening because he is.

3. Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness

4. Friendship isn't about the quantity but the quality 

5. Any relationship where one person thinks that it can only be on their terms is a relationship to run in the opposite direction from. 

6. Dating is a discovery phase – you need to go into dating with a reasonable sense of trust and by paying attention to actions and words, you can roll back or increase your trust accordingly. Don’t go gaga and run around loving and trusting blindly because you would end up ignoring evidence that indicates that you need to slow down or abort mission. 

7. People tell you and show you who they are and you need to be listening and watching, not deciding that you know better. 

8. Avoid playing games in relationships because not only will you become uncertain as to what is genuine and what has been manipulated by the games, but you would also lose all credibility of the person if they become aware of it, plus if they’re dodgy they would take advantage of it.

9. Staying and complaining doesn't remove your accountability or do anything to improve the situation. 

10. Resisting the reality of something takes a lot more energy than accepting it – don’t give room for denial.

11. Desperation in any form mixed with dating and relationships makes a dangerous cocktail that can be smelt by an assclown shark from a million miles away. 

12. People who are genuinely interested in you not only show their interest, but they don’t resist you and don’t make their intentions or interactions ambiguous, plus you know they are interested without second guessing. 

13. Mistakes are growing pains but ultimately growing gains.

14. People unfold and keep unfolding.

15. We've got to stop exaggerating busy. Aside from the fact that busy doesn't equate to purposeful, we all choose what we want to be busy at. Busy people can love, have relationships and include others in their lives. 

16. Attempting to right the wrongs of a past that you weren't wholly or solely responsible for, leaves your present and future unattended to.

17. Don’t write online what you won’t be prepared to say to someone’s face.

18. Holding a grudge is like stabbing yourself over and over again – talk about it and let it go for your own sanity.

19. Don’t give away your choices. The words ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘maybe’, as well as ‘let me get back to you’, exist for a reason – use them. 

20. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take a moment and make it perfect.

21. Be careful of the forever hungry mind-set where you never appreciate what you have because your mind is always on the next proverbial meal. How would you know and appreciate what is more, when you never appreciated what you had?

22. Ups and downs are relative and personal hence why comparison and envy aren't the most productive or illuminating uses of your energy and time. 

23. You don’t have to be liked by everyone. No need to collect likes. Vibe with people who chime with your values and appreciate those who you don’t have to jump through hoops for them to appreciate who you are. 

24. Appreciate your life and how far you have come and look ahead to where you are going. Stop comparing your chapter X to another person’s chapter Y.

25. We don’t live in an ideal, fairy tale world so while it’s great that you know what you would think, feel and do under various circumstances, don’t project this on to other people and assume they are the same unless you have evidence that demonstrates this.

As usual stay beautiful 

Xoxo Chantel 

Broken Crayons

I don’t know about you, but I am my own worst critic. I’m usually the first to notice my short comings and I would beat myself over and over again for it.

As a child, I hated broken crayons. I just felt it was not good enough to color. But then I would see someone else pick up the same broken crayon and color with it and it would come out beautiful. What’s my point, well we humans we tend to push people who have problems away because we think they are not good enough.

Looking at myself, I am a broken crayon. But my color is still very vibrant and I’m still made with purpose. The only difference is I am not well put together and that’s ok. No one is perfect and once we learn it’s ok to not be perfect, we live and we grow.

Each of us has something different to offer the world. There is a humanity out there we are meant to ‘color’. To encourage. To serve. I believe there is a purpose for each and every one of us, and that purpose doesn't just disappear because we discover a chink in our own armor. 

Maybe, just maybe that broken piece, that cracked cistern, is what this world needs. God has a way of showing us that we aren't as ‘bad’ as we think we are and that he needs us. You may look at your friends or peeps and they are shining and their life looks perfect, just remember that they have their own problems and some may be similar to yours. Also remember that by focusing on what others have, you allow your blessings to fall short.

You don’t have what others have because it is not meant for you. At least not in the now. Life is an express lane and it’s okay to overtake.

We have trials and errors so we can have testimonies and work harder when our season comes. I don’t know about you, but I relate well to people who admit their failures than people who pretend to be perfect. The world has enough pretense already. Let’s be real and keep coloring even when we’re broken. So find a broken person today and remind them that they have something to offer the world.

And if that person happens to be you, keep coloring. The world needs you.

And together, we’ll make a masterpiece.

Happy New Year and A Few Words

Happy 2015.

Greetings from C’s World. So I’m still in the holiday mode seeing that I spent half of my holiday time ill anyway and just when I’m recovering properly, it’s time to get back to work. Me no like. But me need money…so okay.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my thoughts on relationships and self-esteem. Your support means a lot and I am humbled that I've been able to be part of your journey and that what I share here with you has been helpful somehow (I hope).

Life is an ongoing journey and you never stop learning, with the same situations being thrown at you until you heed lessons. We only have one life, so we should be conscientious with who we choose to make our journey with.

2014 has come and gone with a lot of reflecting done. The New Year has come and we are looking ahead, planning and worrying.  A New Year brings with it fresh uncertainties and a blank slate. 

I used to be scared of uncertainty but then I have come to realize that uncertainty is part of the package of life. When we accept uncertainty, then we also accept possibilities instead of seeing uncertainty as a ‘bad’ thing. Let’s put our energy in the present because that is where we have the power to be our best selves and more. To do our best work, and do things which align with who we are, where we want to be (our goals, values and aspirations).

Just Remember

Whatever 2015 holds, there is hope. Don’t give up on you, your now, and your future. Do find the blessings in disguise in what may have been some painful lessons, and definitely don’t dim your light. Be you and all that it entails. Remember that we all have flaws one way or another but your flaws don’t actually distinguish you. Don’t aspire to be superhuman. Be you.

Happy New Year. 

Merry Christmas from C's World

I LOVE Christmas. I love all the smell of roasted chicken, Jollof rice, cake, Alcohol and do you know that you can eat as much as you want? No guilt. This is the time I would eat salad with cream in it and not feel guilty. And do you know that the taste of Xmas jollof rice is very different? Yes it is indeed. I love knackered family traditions that make no sense but would be sacrilege to break. I like churches and all the Christmas carols. I like drinking an entire bottle of chocolate baileys and pretend its hot chocolate. (Think about it.it really is).

Christmas is the best time of the year and I would tell you why.

Bloody Mad Dates: December is the best month for dating. Firstly, there’s this need to  pack everything in. people are so obsessed with seeing each other or ‘catching up’ before Christmas as if none of us would make it to January 1^st. (oh well sadly some might not) but I know me you and yours would. *wink wink*

Have you tried going to a club the night before Xmas? The atmosphere is dizzying. They’re all there to squeeze in one final hot fling before they get on their way to destination wherever to spend time with their families and loved ones.

Buying Yourself a Present: I mean why not spend on yourself anyway. You deceive it. You worked hard all year long. So no guilt darling. Just do it.

Flirty, Bored Texts: In the empty stretch of time between Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve, you’ll find yourself with a lot of free time. Good time to catch up on your correspondence, messaging all those crushes you haven’t had time for and flirting with just about anyone.

Getting Really Drunk for 31 Days: Oh well from 1 December to 1 January, it is expected. Have you noticed that’s when there are more alcohol sponsored events? Oh you didn't notice; okay sorry. December is the time you don’t have to apologize for drunkenness, fancy dressing and over familiarity. And better still if you have no boo then you feel less guilty when you indulge.

Telling the Truth: Don’t know how this came about, but for some reason people think Christmas is about ‘telling the truth’. I’m all about honesty so go on. People also think it’s a time for forgiveness. (Why do you have to wait till the end of the year to forgive someone?). It’s just a month of unnecessary retrospect, a time to think about everything you've done in the past year and come to some sort of conclusion about what it all means.

If you’re single, you don’t have to give your heart to someone at risk that the very next day they will give it away. And THEN the next year you have to hang out with them because you have the same circle of friends.

Whatever happens, ENJOY December. Yes there are only a few days left but either ways ENJOY. I’ll see you down the pub for a bottle of Henny. I’m the joyful chick in a Santa hat, flirting with just about everyone *tongue-out*

Thank you to all my lovely subscribers and followers. Apparently I have more subscribers on this blog than followers. And to all of you who always comment. Your comments are very encouraging. Kisses to u all.

On that note, I bid you goodbye, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from C’s World. See you in the next year. Kisses.

Xoxo Chantel. 

Size. What does it Matter?!

Like seriously, is it a competition or is it just from insecurity?

Every time a guy tells me how big his ding dong is and how great of a sex partner he is, it just makes me laugh. Like honestly what’s the point really? If I haven’t asked you, why in the world are you telling me? Infact why are you trying to convince me of how great you are in bed? Are you trying to convince me or is it yourself you are trying to convince? Because all that talk just makes you look pathetic and makes me laugh.

Oh did I also say it makes you look very INSECURE? Yeah I think I already said that, but to send it home again, IT MAKES YOU LOOK INSECURE. Get my drift now? Good.

Honestly, I do not mean to dick shame, but it just always amuses me when I hear a man brag about his penis size, feeling all boastful and proud. Honey, you did nothing to deserve that dick...you were just born with it. It’s a penis size not a damn Pulitzer, so stop talking so much about it.  Spare us the proud parent act and just accomplish something with it.

You need to remember that a woman’s vagina is talented enough to expand to fit the size of any dick. So when a guy brags about his penis size, I’m just like, DARLING, SILENCE PLEASE, THE BURDEN OF THE BIG DICK IS NOT YOURS TO CARRY.

Sometimes a too big dick is maybe the only time size might take sex right off the table, and perhaps a small dick the size of my pinkie as well. The thing is, if it’s larger than a bread box, and as small as a pea, then we’re going to have a problem. Trust me no woman is confused when it comes to the size in your pants. At that point, she definitely knows what she wants (at least I do).

Basically, I think your size shouldn't really matter honestly. What you should be more worried about is finding your groove and how you can rock it, because big dick does not equal to good sex. My wish for men is that they wouldn’t stress over their size because unlike boobs, your penis size is not going to change. However, the only thing which can is what you do with it and that applies to all sizes and shapes.

So I spoke to some men regards this topic and they all think we women are the reason why they need to convince us of the size. Anyway, I feel that what all men (women) should focus on, is how they make their partner feel, and how they feel with their partner. Ladies please please give the small sized fellows a chance before writing them off completely. But if it feels like a pen in-between your legs, then please send that man out your door…Infact drive him home if you have to. And to the guys in the middle, please stop worrying about how you measure up or not. At the end, it all balls down to chemistry and movement, and not length and girth.

PS: To the one who says for someone who isn't having sex I sure do talk a lot about sex…errmmm its called abstinence not virginity. And I don’t see anything wrong about talking about it. It’s not a forbidden word.

As always stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel 

The Unpleasables

Forgive my absence..work has being kicking me left, right, centre.

It hurts when the realisation hits you that when it comes to certain people or a certain someone in your life, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing, zilch is ever enough. You could literally walk over hot coal, have fireworks shooting out of your ears, agree with everything that they say and they’ll do the equivalent of, ‘you missed a spot…’

Nothing is ever enough with The Unpleasables and if you try to do ‘everything’ you will only burst the hell out of your boundaries- they’re just not that special!

I know sometimes it feels like it’s the most natural thing to be a people pleaser because it’s all you know and you equate happiness and worthiness with pleasing people all of the time and associate other people’s displeasure with a sense of you being inadequate. Sometimes you have this feeling that it’s you. But the truth is:

You can’t please everyone all of the time and also these shenanigans aren’t about you, your worth or ‘inadequacies’.

The thing is Unpleasables are aware of their perennial dissatisfaction and inappropriate expectations (but they continue anyway even though they are not exactly meeting other people’s expectations including yours). Unpleasables don’t realise that the way in which they interact with people and express gratitude (that’s if they manage to) or their discontent gives the firm impression that they’re hell-bent on never being happy.

The Unpleaseables have this notion or crazy idea that ‘everyone’ is responsible for their satisfaction. See trying to please an Unpleasable is essentially like throwing all your energy into the abyss and while you break your back and all just trying to gain their attention, love and approval, you completely deplete you of everything.

What these kind of people fail to recognise is that they need to look inward and examine their own behaviour and the way in which they conduct their lives instead of blaming everyone else and trying to enforce their ‘entitlements’. 

Pleasing people all the time would cause you to do things for the wrong reason and ultimately, you’re not living your life but theirs. A person who cannot be pleased is the same person who has little gratitude for the things they have because they always focus on what they don’t have and what they don’t have is distorted anyway because they never acknowledge and appreciate what they do have and the efforts of others in the first place.

Stop trying to be perfect in the hope that they would cut you some slack- cut yourself some slack. You’re human not a machine. Even machines crash sometimes.

 This is your life and it’s time to get into the business of learning how to please you and meet your own needs. Your role in life isn’t to be an scapegoat or to be kicked to make someone else feel better about their own turmoil. So next time if it’s out of your way or it’s not something you want to do, just say NO. It’s okay to say NO sometimes.   

As always stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel