Cheating

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So I saw this screenshot message from an older woman telling all younger women how to act in their marriages. She was of the opinion that ‘all men cheat’. Hours after, my cousin sends me a link to the picture and we start to talk about it. So she’s saying to me that she has friends who have told her the same thing and she wanted to know my opinion about it.

Personally I do not like to generalize simply because I have come to learn that every human is different in their own special way. So just because you have been in 1 or 2 relationships where your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that every other person you meet in the future is also like that. I mean like; no human is the criteria for the world so why judge everyone in that light? I know there are people who would say otherwise and criticize what I am saying but that’s your opinion and we are all entitled to that. So you don’t have to agree with me.

This oft-repeated myth that ‘all men cheat’ in my opinion is just a myth. But women say it to each other when their friend’s boyfriend or husband is caught cheating and men say it to one another simply to comfort themselves and naturalize their infidelities.

People would say ‘men cheat’ because it’s in their nature to do so. Okay. But at the end of the day I think it all boils down to Principles. We are faithful to our partners simply because we made a commitment to do so and because we don’t want to hurt them. When relationships fall apart because of cheating, it’s because of betrayal and a breach of trust more than it is about the physical act of sex.

Relationships need to be based on trust and honesty, which means somewhere in the ‘getting to know you’ part, you would have shared your past experiences whether good or bad.  If you have been cheated on in the past, this can be a very devastating experience with far reaching effects. But like I always say, you have no business being in a relationship if you have emotional baggage and it’s an issue which exceeds the maximum weight. If you have emotional baggage big enough to fill an airport terminal then please you have no business being in a relationship until you sort yourself out. If you’re so badly hurt from past relationships that you can’t trust anyone, then you need to work on your issues and preferably alone.

I know men who have cheated and I know women who have cheated. So the myth that ‘all men cheat’ is not 100% true. Since Victorian times, women have been viewed as the ones responsible for maintaining ‘morality’ in society and keeping men in check. While men are viewed as penises (please excuse my being so straight forward) with legs; incapable of rational thought once faced with the prospect of touching a boob.

So when women say ‘all men cheat’ they are simply doing two things: enabling one another to stay in relationships with men who are sketchy, selfish liars, and two teach men that they aren’t accountable for their own behavior. Aside from that, the notion that ‘all men cheat’ is a lie.

I honestly don’t buy into the ‘men are ruled by their dick’ story-line. I think that’s just an excuse to let men off the hook in terms of accountability for their own behavior and reinforces untrue stereotypes.

What are your thoughts? Please share.

Stay beautiful

Xoxo

Chantel 

Size. What does it Matter?!

Like seriously, is it a competition or is it just from insecurity?

Every time a guy tells me how big his ding dong is and how great of a sex partner he is, it just makes me laugh. Like honestly what’s the point really? If I haven’t asked you, why in the world are you telling me? Infact why are you trying to convince me of how great you are in bed? Are you trying to convince me or is it yourself you are trying to convince? Because all that talk just makes you look pathetic and makes me laugh.

Oh did I also say it makes you look very INSECURE? Yeah I think I already said that, but to send it home again, IT MAKES YOU LOOK INSECURE. Get my drift now? Good.

Honestly, I do not mean to dick shame, but it just always amuses me when I hear a man brag about his penis size, feeling all boastful and proud. Honey, you did nothing to deserve that dick...you were just born with it. It’s a penis size not a damn Pulitzer, so stop talking so much about it.  Spare us the proud parent act and just accomplish something with it.

You need to remember that a woman’s vagina is talented enough to expand to fit the size of any dick. So when a guy brags about his penis size, I’m just like, DARLING, SILENCE PLEASE, THE BURDEN OF THE BIG DICK IS NOT YOURS TO CARRY.

Sometimes a too big dick is maybe the only time size might take sex right off the table, and perhaps a small dick the size of my pinkie as well. The thing is, if it’s larger than a bread box, and as small as a pea, then we’re going to have a problem. Trust me no woman is confused when it comes to the size in your pants. At that point, she definitely knows what she wants (at least I do).

Basically, I think your size shouldn't really matter honestly. What you should be more worried about is finding your groove and how you can rock it, because big dick does not equal to good sex. My wish for men is that they wouldn’t stress over their size because unlike boobs, your penis size is not going to change. However, the only thing which can is what you do with it and that applies to all sizes and shapes.

So I spoke to some men regards this topic and they all think we women are the reason why they need to convince us of the size. Anyway, I feel that what all men (women) should focus on, is how they make their partner feel, and how they feel with their partner. Ladies please please give the small sized fellows a chance before writing them off completely. But if it feels like a pen in-between your legs, then please send that man out your door…Infact drive him home if you have to. And to the guys in the middle, please stop worrying about how you measure up or not. At the end, it all balls down to chemistry and movement, and not length and girth.

PS: To the one who says for someone who isn't having sex I sure do talk a lot about sex…errmmm its called abstinence not virginity. And I don’t see anything wrong about talking about it. It’s not a forbidden word.

As always stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel 

He's bad in bed!

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I think we’d all like to say that every guy we’ve slept with was an amazing lover, but let’s be frank here, if you've slept with a few people, there’s been at least one bad lover. Just think about it. However, remember that it takes two to tango. You can’t just lie there like a sack of potatoes and expect him to do all of the work without communicating if you dislike something he’s doing or not and then at the end label him a shit lover in-between the sheets. (Why you wanna be mean?)

So basically, once you've established the fact that two can indeed tango, sometimes there is no escaping the fact that he really does suck at it. But why anyone would want to date a dude whose so rubbish in bed is beyond me.

Okay okay let’s not judge. He might be drunk, distracted or upset at the time. So if you want to increase your chances of a decent seeing-to, I suggest you optimise the situation. Although, some men don’t have their performance hindered by the effects of drugs or alcohol. But some just flop out. Or maybe it was too soon? It’s likely that if you don’t know each other that well and haven’t built a true connection, no matter how much you lust after his six pack or how big his **** is, or think he’s charming, he or both of you may find that when naked, it’s not that sexy. Not every man is wired to screw you in a heartbeat. Some men are more emotional than the usual hump you and dump you and regular shagger sorts!

Don’t let him pump you like he was in horse race. If you aren’t enjoying it, don’t stay mute. Okay I get it, you’re not the vocal type in the bedroom but did you try to point him in the right direction? Wince or literally change position? Some of his previous partners may have liked being ridden like they’re in the Grand National. So with that typical male ego, he assumes that everybody likes his techniques. *clears throat* Error.

But hold up! Are you saying his a bad lover because you didn't have an orgasm? *clears throat* lucky you if you come all the time. No wonder you have such high expectations. But just know that you can actually have good sex without having an orgasm all the time.

Or maybe you have given him the impression that his superman in bed? See I’m all for encouraging and managing egos sometimes, but there is something called constructive encouragement and then taking the piss and creating your own demise. Why would you keep telling someone they are great at something when they’re not, and then wonder what to do about the fact that they’re bad at it?! You have only made the task of improving the situation harder because now you have to undo your lies and think of how to put him on reverse.

My advice: instead of admitting you told a lie, start introducing new things to try out in the bedroom with the excuse of spicing things up. If you can’t tell him or even show him how to turn you on, how do you expect him to find out? By osmosis?

Okay don’t shoot me for what am about to say, but really have you for a second considered the fact that he may think you’re bad in bed? Yeah I know it didn't cross your mind. But unless you are with one of those egotistical guys who thinks that by waving his willy in any woman’s direction will induce an orgasm, he may not be enjoying the sex either! This means neither of you are communicating your needs to find a way to communicate what you need, feel and desire.

Remember sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is important. So if you aren’t enjoying it say something. Shake your bori.

As usual stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel.

Close your legs

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With great power comes great responsibility. So I think it’s time some girls (me included) started taking responsibility for some men being ‘Jerks’. Frankly, there is more to a girl demanding respect for herself instead of just screaming at guys when they act like…well GUYS.

Am tired of girls whining about how a guy ‘wronged’ them when they give the guy a reason to be stupid by sleeping with him almost immediately. Especially when this guy makes it clear that he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. It’s a whole different ball game if the guy has been leading you on for a while, dating you, acting interested for a while and then disappears after sex. At this point you can call him whatever name you want. He deserves it. But not when you have been the one making all the moves and seeing his  ‘am not interested signals’ written boldly on his head, but you still put head and he sleeps with you and forgets you; you get upset and start calling him all kinds of names. At this point na only you waka come.

Some girls truly don’t get it really. No matter how many times a guy tells them they don’t want a relationship, they are of the notion that their VeeGaGa is golden and the minute they give it up, the guy would automatically become starstruck into wanting them or loving them, and that he would become prince charming all of a sudden. Or their knight in shining armour.

Some girls seem to think that if they have sex with a guy, it automatically means that he would be committed to them, when they don’t get their way they throw a fit and blame the guy for behaving badly. I guess that’s easier than admitting they were the ones who acted very stupid and got themselves in that situation in the first place.

See, guys are fascinated by something- It’s called SEX. If you drop your pants and lay it out before a guy, trust me his going to take you up on your offer. Does this mean his an asshole? No, it means his a guy.

Guys are red-blooded creatures with plenty of testosterone and because of their hormones, they would always crave sex whether they last had it 10 years ago or 10 mins ago. You have to remember that sex is not something you do to score a relationship. It’s something you do with a man who already cares about you.

One thing you have to remember is – guys like girls, want something of value. They would assume that if you’re giving it freely now, you probably have in the past. So close your leg until you are 100% certain about a guy. If you feel he would leave you if you don’t give it to him, great let him go. That’s not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. (The hit and run).

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo