'I Can Change Him Syndrome'

The ‘I can change him’ syndrome occurs when a woman focuses all of her energies on fixing anything she deems to be incorrect about her man. So basically, like a house, you renovate your man and if you’re lucky, you get to hold onto him, but sometimes that man may just get cocky and put himself up on the market for a new lady owner because after you've finished making him attractive to you, he’s grown wings and become attractive to a lot of other women too!

This is you if:

Who you say you’d like to be with and who you end up with are poles apart.

You may have you ideal man in mind but you can’t wait for him because you need the reassurance of a male attention.

You’re quite critical.

You’re insecure and crave attention.

Some people are critical and run in the opposite direction, but as a super woman and the fact that you see yourself as a ‘property developer’, you decide to stay and give your ‘house’ an extreme makeover.

Ehem continue oh. You’re now Florence Nightingale turned Jesus yeah. I mean imagine if a man bestowed his interest in you despite the fact that he thought you may be beneath him or not as attractive, or have as many qualities as the other women he has dated. So he decides to make you his pet DIY project. Would you thank him for treating you less or would you rather run in the opposite direction? I believe you would do the latter.

No matter what good intentions you think you have, the message that gets sent when you try to turn him into you DIY project is ‘I am not satisfied with you and you are not good enough in your present state’.

The big question I want to ask at this point is: Why the hell are you with this guy? And why don’t you just find a man more on your ‘level’ and put this poor guy out of his misery? Even if it appears that he is happy with what you are asking of him, it just takes that one extra request, or a change in your tone or attitude for things to go south and for him to recognize your behavior for what it is. Trying to build a man from the ground up is a project that you should really shy away from. If you can’t accept him for what he is and are living off potential, you will always be miserable.

And of course, there is the distinct possibility that the relationship will flounder and someone else will reap the benefit of your hard work, which is a lot pisser because unlike a house, there is no financial reward. If his new relationship works, they won’t be looking to change him as you have done the work already. What they would be doing is enjoying the fruits of your labor. They would thank you for your extreme makeover and enjoy the man he has become. Thanks to you. It’s a vicious circle really.

As usual stay beautiful. 

xoxo Chantel. 

Nigeria our country

Long post alert!

I don’t bother but I don’t get it either. So I’m trying to understand it. Politics that is. See I never saw myself as a politically knowledgeable person and it never bothered me if people thought I was dumb in that area. I hated government in school, I would rather sit in home economics or food and nutrition class from morning till night and never get bored. However, this whole politics thing, there is just so much back and forth to it. The issue of who should run ‘our country’ and I use that term very lightly, whose way is the ‘right way’, which president is responsible for which failure, how we should handle our enemies overseas and blah blah blah. Just plenty talk. It’s rather ironic how I like puzzles but I hate complicated shit and this whole politics of a thing is just one complicated puzzle in a nutshell.

How do we raise our children to understand and support ‘our’ country and make decisions about a government that doesn't make any sense anymore? A country we ourselves are trying to understand. Absolutely ridiculous.

Over the years as I am growing up and learning, one thing I have always heard repeated over and over again, ‘keep it simple’. Sounds easy doesn't it? So what is our problem, our leaders? The way we think? What really? Isn’t this country known as the giant of Africa? Or has it changed?

‘Keep it simple’ they say. We have a constitution and a country founded on God, community and the masses, so why can’t we just stop complicating things. God was part of this amazing country long before the cry-babies (BH and others) want him removed from it. Tough shit, Welcome to Nigeria. Our dearly beloved country, where everything from killings, kidnapping of children, to child brides, to stealing etc. is now becoming a norm. Vote for democracy vote for democracy we have but what has it to offer us. Fair governance? Yeah right. Don’t be fair. Be protective. Protect us like your daughters. Would you be concerned about hurting a boy’s feeling when he comes to take your precious daughter out with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips and talking to her like his the one running the show and he owns her? Or telling her to go and change into something that suits him? That’s crazy!! Hurt some feelings if that’s what it takes to protect us.

In the last couple of years, a lot of innocent lives have been lost. Little girls getting married off to men old enough to be their fathers and grandfathers. Why, as a country are we letting this happen. It’s depressing.  Take away guns to prevent violence? What are you talking about? Violent offenders are criminals who don’t obey the law.

Admittedly, like I said before, I never use to follow politics before and even hated to look at it. I won’t even watch the news, so am not as educated on it as some people are. Well shame on me I know. I guess it’s time to get educated because at this rate, the way things are going, we’re on the verge of something big.  Everyone is mad and scared at what is going on in this country. At some point, a revolution of some degree is bound to happen if nothing is done.

All military personnel are under the oath to ‘support and defend the constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic’ abi isn't that written in black and white somewhere? Or is it just in my head? And we DO have domestic enemies. Our very own government!! Trying daily to change every piece of our great country into something toxic. Digging us into holes that we’ll never get out of. It’s scary. When do we stand up? How do we stand up?

I don’t even know where this came from. I guess am just tired. Tired of seeing hardworking people struggle. Tired of seeing educated people still struggling to get jobs. Tired of hearing women complain of a man who has a picture of his wife and children on his table, but yet still shamelessly asking a young woman to sleep with him to secure a job. (Personally experienced that too). Tired of seeing stock up looking women acting like bosses but shamelessly chasing that young man in the office and threatening to take his job from him if she doesn't have her way.

Things weren't this bad when I was a kid and that wasn't long ago. But hey maybe they have always being but I only had the eyes of an innocent child and didn't really see it. *shrugs* who knows? 

I guess I would stop ranting now. Time to educate myself because I didn't think ‘our’ country would ever be like this. How naive of me. Oh well. As usual stay beautiful and leave a comment.