TOLERANCE, AN IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP VIRTUE

*walks in, looks around and starts clearing all the cobwebs..lool* Yes i know i have away...dollar is high..that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it.

‘I hate how she presses the toothpaste from the middle and not the bottom’

‘Oh and let’s not even talk about the fact that he doesn’t replace the cap back on after using the toothpaste’

And then what? I ask.

Often times I wonder why is it so difficult for most of us to show tolerance towards others. Like why is it so important to have things go ‘our way’, win an argument or a game? Why does everything have to be a competition? Why do we often have to have the last word? Why do we walk away from a verbal wrestle thinking: ‘oh damn, I did show him/her’! Or ‘good, I’ve really put her in her place this time!’ why do we need to engage in a verbal wrestle at all?

We often talk about Tolerance. But do we really know what it means? Tolerance according to the oxford dictionary, means having a disposition to be patient with or indulgent to the opinions or practice of others.

I believe a lot of us have that strong competitive streak about us, which may have well being part of our genetic make-up but is also strongly reinforced by the society we live in where WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

At what point do we get in tuned to the spirit of competition? Is it at a tender age? Thinking about it now, I would suspect so; especially for those of us who have other siblings. As soon as a sibling appears in our world, we most likely begin right there and then to compete for mother’s attention. We get put out when we realise-somewhere in our first year of life that she has other things to attend to apart from cuddling or feeding us. And so it continues. God help him or her who tries to play with our toys by the time we are 2. Claim Daddy’s knee that we believe has only OUR name on it at age 3; show off the pretty dress to Sandy whose dress is nowhere as gorgeous as MINE at age 4; tell Rob next door that ‘MY’ daddy is bigger than yours, so watch out! At age 5. And it goes on and on. If we don’t have people in our world who have an understanding of these dynamics or who are unable to help us balance our natural selfishness (which is a normal part of child’s growth process) with a level of empathy and sensitivity, the competitive spirit simply grows and grows within us.

School forces us into its own competitive mold. If we do well academically, are the prettiest girl or the sportiest boy you get a lot of positive reinforcement! If not, you simply fade into the background. If you are unable to keep up with the majority of kids, happen to have a wart on your nose or suffer the great misfortune of being covered with acne, you’ll most likely be the butt for cruel jokes. If you’ve been subjected to years of this type of treatment, by the time you reach adulthood you will have absorbed tens of thousands of demeaning messages, and chances are high that you have come to the following conclusion:

‘If I am not a winner I must be a loser’

‘If I don’t conform, I just don’t fit’

‘If I don’t perform to some external standard, I’m a failure’

So then giving all of that, is it any wonder that being tolerant of others is pretty difficult? Not really!

But as easy as it is to understand, it also needs to be noted that intolerance is incredibly tough on our relationships and can be an absolute deal-breaker.

Looking at the example I gave above: how important is it that the cap of the toothpaste is replaced or that the toothpaste be pressed from the bottom not the middle. Who dies if it’s not done the ‘right way’?

Why make such a big deal out of something so insignificant? It’s ANNOYING!  Yes sure but so what? Everyone has their vices but is it worth fighting over NOTHING? I don’t think so.

Am I saying that you shouldn’t address those idiosyncrasies that drive your partner crazy? Not at all! I am only suggesting that you don’t get your knickers in a knot over some habit, personality quirks or other expression of your partner’s need to retain a part of themselves in the relationship because IT SIMPLY IS NOT WORTH THE FIGHT.

Think about it- what might happen if you show a bit of tolerance?

How would it be if you lost the occasional battle?

I would like to challenge you to ask yourself how you feel each time intolerance strikes. There could be a million reasons hiding in your past that may be responsible for why you feel intolerant. Be sure to explore all possibilities and do whatever you can to get rid of any destructive baggage that you carry with you from the past. On that note I would leave you with this:

·         Every so often be sure to let others enjoy the pleasure of being right

·         Pick your battles wisely

·         Don’t major on things of minor importance

·         Always give others the benefit of doubt

·         Remember that people are imperfect

·         Recognise that YOU ARE IMPERFECT TOO……. and realise that the world won’t come to an end if you get things wrong every so often!

Let’s Learn to Tolerant each other. 

Who are you?

‘Don’t be too successful and chase the men away’ she said and I replied; ‘if a man is scared of my success then that’s not the kind of man I want to be with’…so I looked at him and asked ‘are men really scared of strong successful women?  He pauses for a while then says; ‘the honest truth is men like strong successful women and every woman wants same from her man but there is more going on than merely a meeting of the minds’.

Hmmm and that got me thinking right! What never really occurs to any of us is that:

We are being evaluated on far more than our most ‘impressive traits’.

Sometimes these traits come with a significant downside that is painful to acknowledge. Take me for example right! I’m a reasonable person (at least I think I am), I’m fairly independent, I’m smart, great sense of humor, I can hold a good conversation and so on; but right behind my good traits are a series of bad traits. Anyone who knows me to a certain level can testify to that:

The flip side of being bright is being opinionated

The flip side of being analytical is being difficult

The flip side of being funny is being sarcastic

The flip side of having moral clarity is being arrogant

The flip side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic

The flip side of being charismatic is being self-centred

The flip side of being a go-getter is being impatient

Again, NOT EVERY person who is bright is opinionated, and NOT EVERY person who is funny is sarcastic. But there’s enough anecdotal evidence to suggest a strong correlation. And I’m just talking about MYSELF here. So if my good qualities come with bad qualities, have you considered that yours might as well?

We all have that perception that it’s hard meeting people who would appreciate our qualities. I mean what we think is great and what we’re putting out there, and how people actually see us tends to be very different.

At some point I believed I was unlucky in love with a penchant for attracting emotionally unavailable men and assclowns. I often described myself as ambitious, a go-getter, outgoing, attractive, intelligent, and then some more. Whilst there is no escaping the fact that I did go out with men who acted like assclowns at some point, it was a bit of a shocker to discover that on a deeper, honest, reflection, I was aloof, picky, sarcastic, pushy, and often times difficult where I thought I was having fun and being ‘entertaining’.

It’s always very easy to focus on the surface qualities that we believe are our selling points and totally ignore other more important characteristics and behaviors that may possibly be impacting on our ability to have relationships. It doesn’t matter how intelligent, pretty/handsome or ambitious you are; if you’re afraid of commitment and subconsciously sabotaging anything that may lead to it.

There’s no point in being beautiful/handsome if you don’t act that way or harbor beliefs about your own abilities that impact on your self-esteem. We also have to accept that if we can find faults and flaws with others…that people will find those with us too. No one is perfect.

It’s not about taking the onus off the people that don’t appreciate us for who we are but it is about taking responsibility for who you are and recognizing that not everything about you is that wonderful. I used to be able to list countless faults (infact I could write a book if I had to) about the men I met and dated, but rarely paid attention to my own flaws. It’s so easy for us to mention the faults of others and not look at ours. It’s so easy to blame the ex on everything that went wrong in the relationship and forget we were also part of the relationship (it takes two to tango). At some point in my life I realized that, who I thought I was and who I really was had to reconcile and in that, I hope I’m able to forge far better relationships from an honest level.

So next time you bemoan your relationship luck and list your surface qualities, view yourself from another person’s perspective and even play back recent dates and scenes from previous relationships in your mind.

Could you be doing something differently?

Let me know your opinion

Xoxo Chantel 

Blogger & OAP Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos to Celebrate another year in her life

Blogger & OAP, Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos To Celebrate Her Birthday

Elsie Godwin, a final year student of Lagos State University, is a Nigerian Entrepreneur who has carved a niche as a prolific Lifestyle and Relationship online and on-air personality.

In 2014 she identified and saw the need to be heard, her strong opinion on relationship and lifestyle in general, led her to becoming a blogger hence the www.elsieisy.com platform. That soon got her the attention of many from her strong and insightful posts on relationship and self-esteem amongst young people.

Today she reaches over 30k people daily online, her fame online has led to her founding the “hangout with Elsieisy platform”; a platform that gives room for her online family to meet her physically to share and discus their life experiences. This has created a connect amongst so many of her readers, built new opportunities for network and businesses within Elsians as she so fondly calls them.

She is currently the host of an online radio show on Happenings Radio called “Crux of the Matter” this is just to add to the responds and answers to the questions of many online.

She is also currently shooting a show on AQC AFRICA as the host of “Making the Stories”; a campus TV show design to introduce admission and requirements, guide students/ applicants through school activities and lifestyle around Africa.

Elsie is a God fearing woman, a passionate and visionary personality, she supports and believes in the agenda for a new and better Nigeria. She believes in freedom of expression and the need for less hypocrisy and more bluntness in the society.

See more photos 

Happy birthday Elsie

Styled by FloDee Clothing (Instagram – Flodeeco)

Hair by Xclusive Salon Wahala ( Instagram – Xclusivesalonwahala)

Make up by Rainbow Artistry (Instagram – Rainbows_artistry)

What happened to Romance?

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First of happy new year! Let's pretend I've being here all along. 

Hold up! Before we get into the crux of the matter *takes a look at Elsie, wink wink*, let me make something very clear. I am not and I repeat I am not an overly romantic person. Maybe I’m just ‘old fashioned’ when it comes to dating? I don’t know.

But anyway, I’ve noticed a trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say

What happened to romance?

What happening to wooing? What happened to a guy asking a girl out on a date and getting to know each other? What happened to a guy making plans and picking a girl up from her house instead of asking her to meet you there? What happened to calling a girl to speak to her; instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via BBM and Whats App? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

Social media has really changed the dating game. It not only creates a need for instant gratification, but it also creates a whole new set of barriers between people. Why bother making the effort to call a girl when you can just text her yeah? Or wait better still, text three girls at the same time? Why try to think on your feet and be charming in person, when you can analyse your every word before sending a carefully structured bbm or whats app message? And most importantly, why bother getting to know a girl when you can just look at her Instagram and Facebook profile?

I remember a guy who saying to me ‘let’s hang out’ and I’m like, ‘are you asking me out on a date’? Or are you asking me to ‘hang out’ like you would ask one of your male buddies? I mean like really though it’s just a date not a marriage proposal.

Call me old fashion, but I think the weirdness of these interactions should at least be addressed. No wooing, no lead up or getting to know each other. There was no effort at all. Are you really supposed to get to know someone in a crowded bar awkwardly sipping a cocktail as you try to decide if you should go ahead and have a third one or not?

I mean how much quicker can we move the dating game? Has the need for instant gratification become so great that we don’t even think it’s worth sharing a meal with a person if we don’t know for sure that it will work out? Technology essentially makes it effortless for guys and girls to get in tough these days. So why not put in a little effort somewhere else? Like on the actual date.

Why not add a little romance?

My opinion what’s yours?

Xoxo

Chantel 

Cheating

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So I saw this screenshot message from an older woman telling all younger women how to act in their marriages. She was of the opinion that ‘all men cheat’. Hours after, my cousin sends me a link to the picture and we start to talk about it. So she’s saying to me that she has friends who have told her the same thing and she wanted to know my opinion about it.

Personally I do not like to generalize simply because I have come to learn that every human is different in their own special way. So just because you have been in 1 or 2 relationships where your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that every other person you meet in the future is also like that. I mean like; no human is the criteria for the world so why judge everyone in that light? I know there are people who would say otherwise and criticize what I am saying but that’s your opinion and we are all entitled to that. So you don’t have to agree with me.

This oft-repeated myth that ‘all men cheat’ in my opinion is just a myth. But women say it to each other when their friend’s boyfriend or husband is caught cheating and men say it to one another simply to comfort themselves and naturalize their infidelities.

People would say ‘men cheat’ because it’s in their nature to do so. Okay. But at the end of the day I think it all boils down to Principles. We are faithful to our partners simply because we made a commitment to do so and because we don’t want to hurt them. When relationships fall apart because of cheating, it’s because of betrayal and a breach of trust more than it is about the physical act of sex.

Relationships need to be based on trust and honesty, which means somewhere in the ‘getting to know you’ part, you would have shared your past experiences whether good or bad.  If you have been cheated on in the past, this can be a very devastating experience with far reaching effects. But like I always say, you have no business being in a relationship if you have emotional baggage and it’s an issue which exceeds the maximum weight. If you have emotional baggage big enough to fill an airport terminal then please you have no business being in a relationship until you sort yourself out. If you’re so badly hurt from past relationships that you can’t trust anyone, then you need to work on your issues and preferably alone.

I know men who have cheated and I know women who have cheated. So the myth that ‘all men cheat’ is not 100% true. Since Victorian times, women have been viewed as the ones responsible for maintaining ‘morality’ in society and keeping men in check. While men are viewed as penises (please excuse my being so straight forward) with legs; incapable of rational thought once faced with the prospect of touching a boob.

So when women say ‘all men cheat’ they are simply doing two things: enabling one another to stay in relationships with men who are sketchy, selfish liars, and two teach men that they aren’t accountable for their own behavior. Aside from that, the notion that ‘all men cheat’ is a lie.

I honestly don’t buy into the ‘men are ruled by their dick’ story-line. I think that’s just an excuse to let men off the hook in terms of accountability for their own behavior and reinforces untrue stereotypes.

What are your thoughts? Please share.

Stay beautiful

Xoxo

Chantel 

Why are you single

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People sure know how to ask stupid questions really. But as a single person, with time yeah you become fodder for oodles of stupidity because for some reason your life is seen as being less than that of someone who is attached. I am of the opinion that some people who are attached are secretly envious of singles as we are footloose and fancy free. However, this doesn't stop me from having the urge to want to scream at the next person that asks me ‘why are you single’

As much as I hate to say it but am thinking like ‘don’t these twits realize that if I had an answer to this question, I wouldn't be single? How long is a piece of string? What do these people expect me to say really?

I don’t like to give blowjobs

Am a chick with a dick

I just got out of prison

I act like an innocent woman by day and act like a psychotic bitch at night

This is a mask and underneath it am an alien

I don’t know really but those are the kind of stupid answers I have to the question ‘why are you single’

Am a pretty outgoing woman, has loads of friends, has all her teeth complete, takes care of her appearance, ambitious, wants to have kids and settle down some day, used to have bad taste in men but that has changed now (hopefully) after past experiences and by all accounts is a good catch. There could be a number of reasons why am single but I doubt that any of them are a bad thing. I have dated, I’ve had fun, I have cocked it up from time to time, but by not engaging in a serious relationship for awhile or so, I’ve been spared the mercy of some of the aggravation some of my coupled friends have. However, I hope the next time am in a relationship it would be a good choice.

I sometimes feel for single people who don’t have the balls like some people do, to tell people who ask silly questions like this or make them feel uncomfortable to go take a run and jump. Coupled people are projecting their own fear of being single when they ask BS questions or treat single people like social pariahs. There are some people who are unhappy with their singleness and feel extremely miserable with it, and maybe if I was single for 10years I would feel the same way too, but a lot of people who are unhappy with their singleness haven’t been single for that long they just hate being ‘alone’. They validate themselves based on how coupled they are and that’s where the questioners and doubters come creeping in. 

My advice: laugh in the face of people who ask silly questions and more, and tell them that you’re single because you’re single and if you knew why, you would either be attached or have made millions from writing a book about being single. Don’t justify, don’t make excuses and remind them that you don’t ask why they are still with their significant other or even why they are still alive. Most importantly, don’t let them get to you. Enjoy yourself. When you’re washing your future significant other’s skid marked boxers *yes that’s pretty gross*, or you’ve got the kids you absolutely adore screaming their heads off and you have baby puke all over you, or you never got to go out anymore because your life is a mass of couple commitments, you’ll remember these words. Hopefully.

So until then enjoy being single and as usual stay beautiful always.

Before you log off from this page please take the time to follow this blog for easy updates. Thank you muahhh xoxo 

Close your legs

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With great power comes great responsibility. So I think it’s time some girls (me included) started taking responsibility for some men being ‘Jerks’. Frankly, there is more to a girl demanding respect for herself instead of just screaming at guys when they act like…well GUYS.

Am tired of girls whining about how a guy ‘wronged’ them when they give the guy a reason to be stupid by sleeping with him almost immediately. Especially when this guy makes it clear that he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. It’s a whole different ball game if the guy has been leading you on for a while, dating you, acting interested for a while and then disappears after sex. At this point you can call him whatever name you want. He deserves it. But not when you have been the one making all the moves and seeing his  ‘am not interested signals’ written boldly on his head, but you still put head and he sleeps with you and forgets you; you get upset and start calling him all kinds of names. At this point na only you waka come.

Some girls truly don’t get it really. No matter how many times a guy tells them they don’t want a relationship, they are of the notion that their VeeGaGa is golden and the minute they give it up, the guy would automatically become starstruck into wanting them or loving them, and that he would become prince charming all of a sudden. Or their knight in shining armour.

Some girls seem to think that if they have sex with a guy, it automatically means that he would be committed to them, when they don’t get their way they throw a fit and blame the guy for behaving badly. I guess that’s easier than admitting they were the ones who acted very stupid and got themselves in that situation in the first place.

See, guys are fascinated by something- It’s called SEX. If you drop your pants and lay it out before a guy, trust me his going to take you up on your offer. Does this mean his an asshole? No, it means his a guy.

Guys are red-blooded creatures with plenty of testosterone and because of their hormones, they would always crave sex whether they last had it 10 years ago or 10 mins ago. You have to remember that sex is not something you do to score a relationship. It’s something you do with a man who already cares about you.

One thing you have to remember is – guys like girls, want something of value. They would assume that if you’re giving it freely now, you probably have in the past. So close your leg until you are 100% certain about a guy. If you feel he would leave you if you don’t give it to him, great let him go. That’s not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. (The hit and run).

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo

Things you shouldn't give up for love or a relationship

Love for me isn’t being with someone who makes you feel weak, like you can’t do anything without them. No one needs love that would keep reminding them of their weaknesses. Instead find love that knows your weaknesses but still tells you you’re strong. Love that encourages you. Makes you feel strong and when you fall picks you up and tells you it’s okay to fall. A love that makes you feel like you can conquer the world even when down.

It’s important to remember what you should NEVER give up for love or a relationship. And that’s what this is about. A reminder for me and you.

1. YOUR IMPERFECT MAGNIFICENCE

It’s not hard for someone to tell you ‘I love you’ but it’s hard to find someone who means it. But eventually you would find that someone and until then, you shouldn’t have to settle. Find someone who isn’t afraid to tell you they miss you when they actually do. Because people can tell you they ‘miss you’ cos that’s what you want to hear. Someone who knows you’re not perfect but wants to be with you anyway. Someone who says ‘I love you’ and proves it day in day out. Someone who sees you when you wake up in the morning without make-up and your hair all messy but smiles cause to them you are still beautiful.

Remember, to the people who truly love you, you are magnificent already.

2. THE RIGHT TO DECIDE YOURSELF

Don’t and I mean DON’T put the keys to your happiness, peace of mind and growth into the pockets of someone else. Relationships are not about authority and obedience; they’re agreements of respect and love. You can’t shouldn’t live your entire life through someone else’s fantasies. You should be able to do you. Give but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to those who love you, but DON’T lose track of your inner voice.

3. YOUR INNATE HUMAN NEEDS TO BE UNDERSTOOD

There is nothing honestly as beautiful as being understood and being able to understand someone else. Even when there are disagreements, every healthy relationship should have this mutual understanding- a loving space filled with listening and compromise.

So remember to listen without defending and speaking without offending. Communication isn’t just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.

4. THE FREEDOM TO LOVE

Love is the creative force of the universe. It is important in everyone’s life. When it is present in our lives, we feel happier, more optimistic and fulfilled. Without it, we are angry, cynical, resentful people; critical of others and ourselves, effectively squashing the greatness that exist within us, and diminishing our own light.

So open your heart and let love out. Love yourself. Love people. Love experiences. And let go of those people who try to stop you.

5. THE COURAGE AND WILLINGNESS TO EXPERIMENT WITH LIFE

To truly live, you must lose your fear of being wrong. You have to remember that doing something and getting it wrong, is a million times better than doing at all. Even when things seem not to work out, they do. Because in the end, experience is what you get and like the saying goes ‘experience is the best teacher’. You may not get what you wanted, but experience is the most valuable thing you can give.

So don’t be timid and squeamish about your choices. Don’t let someone scare you out of failing forward. All of life is an experiment.

6. YOUR JOY

Never let anything or anyone get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and makes you laugh out loud every day. Every day may not be beautiful but don’t let that phase you because the joy is your alive and that counts. Because you don’t want to get to the end and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and errands and receipts and empty promises.

So sing out loud in the shower *my fav time of the day*, in your car. Throw parties, hang with friends approach that chic you’re not sure off *you won’t die if she says no* tell that dude who makes u cry to sod off. Write a book, poetry or song. Just be happy and keep living and laughing and making God glad he gave life to someone who truly loves and cherishes the gift.

7. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDING THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF

If a relationship is closing you up from the world, making you feel bad about yourself; it’s time to let go. It’s time to choose love over deception. After all, that’s what love is all about – freedom.

So don’t blame love if a relationship is interfering with other important relationships, or robbing you or your self-esteem or your freedom. It isn’t love that’s stealing from you. Its possession, obsession, manipulation, and confusion. Love has nothing to do with your situation. Love doesn’t close the door on happiness and liberty, it opens it wide to let more in.

It is easier to fill the empty space within your life where someone use to be, than fill the empty space within yourself where YOU use to be.

8. YOUR INNER PEACE AND COMPOSURE

No matter how awesome you are in life, some people would still say you’re not good enough. People would still upset you, disrespect you and treat you badly. Let them be. Hatred and negativity filling your heart and mind, will only consume you and your potential. You will begin to heal and grow emotionally when you let go of these past hurts, excuse the people who have wronged you, and forgive yourself for misjudgements.

Bottom Line: learning to ignore certain people and situations is one of the great paths to inner peace. So let GO when you must. Let them be so you can have your peace of mind intact.

What else would you add to this list?  

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo :) 

Why won't you love me baby?

Sometimes we come across people we like hoping that they would like us back. But however, this person might just be so wounded from past relationships that at the moment they are emotionally unavailable and have baggage so full it can fill an airport terminal. Even with that, we tend to think that perhaps with us it just might be different…why? Because you think you can see past their problems, and see potential in them….But hey

That’s the problem….

When someone doesn't isn't ready to be in a relationship, or they seem to have limited access to their emotions, or they seem to be terrified of intimacy to the point where they get clammy at the thought of commitment, at that point, it doesn't matter if your love is as big as an ocean or comes in a platinum case with a nice bow on it promising the sun, moon and stars or even the world. If they say they don’t want it…they just don’t want it simples. Nothing you can do about that. It doesn't matter who you are or the kind of love you offer..at that point, you could be anyone and until they resolve their issues, you will not extract a loving relationship from them. As the saying goes ‘you can drag a horse to the river, but you can’t force it to drink’

You may see past their problems and feel that you love them in spite of their baggage and may see yourself as all loving and caring and all the nice things you think you and your love can offer, but how you see you, is not how they see you.

No matter what you say or do, they perceive you, by the very fact that you’re either in a relationship with them, or hankering for one, that you want, need, or expect more than they’re prepared to be wanted, needed, and expected from.

If you've been with a Mr or Mrs unavailable, you won’t be the first person that has ever felt something for them.

Sometimes, we make the mistake of expending copious amounts of energy ‘running on the spot’ by investing ourselves and emotions into limited relationships with people that have a limited ability and capacity for love, which in turn creates a limited result.

You don’t want to be an equivalent of that pushy used car salesman that doesn't know when to back off. It doesn't translate well to relationships.

If they can’t see past their problems and insecurities, what is the point in you doing it for them? You can’t do all the loving, security, responsibility, accountability, trusting, caring, and respecting in the relationship.

They don’t have to want your love. This is not a yard sale where you think ‘it’s cheap! Someone should want it!’ ehn ehn.

The moment someone doesn't want you, you need to be asking yourself why you’re still wanting them. Period. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn't mean you should switch off your feelings automatically but you should be coming back to earth at this point with a very loud, resounding bump.

Alarm bells should be ringing! If they’re not -my alarm bells are ringing for you!

More importantly, don’t treat your love like a hot potato that you can’t wait to offload and certainly don’t put your life on hold because you’re stuck ‘loving’ someone that doesn't love you. Their lack of interest is a red flag….Use it to extricate yourself out of what will become an even more painful situation if you don’t back off. There is better out there for you…best believe it.   

As usual stay beautiful.