Cheating

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So I saw this screenshot message from an older woman telling all younger women how to act in their marriages. She was of the opinion that ‘all men cheat’. Hours after, my cousin sends me a link to the picture and we start to talk about it. So she’s saying to me that she has friends who have told her the same thing and she wanted to know my opinion about it.

Personally I do not like to generalize simply because I have come to learn that every human is different in their own special way. So just because you have been in 1 or 2 relationships where your partner cheated on you doesn’t mean that every other person you meet in the future is also like that. I mean like; no human is the criteria for the world so why judge everyone in that light? I know there are people who would say otherwise and criticize what I am saying but that’s your opinion and we are all entitled to that. So you don’t have to agree with me.

This oft-repeated myth that ‘all men cheat’ in my opinion is just a myth. But women say it to each other when their friend’s boyfriend or husband is caught cheating and men say it to one another simply to comfort themselves and naturalize their infidelities.

People would say ‘men cheat’ because it’s in their nature to do so. Okay. But at the end of the day I think it all boils down to Principles. We are faithful to our partners simply because we made a commitment to do so and because we don’t want to hurt them. When relationships fall apart because of cheating, it’s because of betrayal and a breach of trust more than it is about the physical act of sex.

Relationships need to be based on trust and honesty, which means somewhere in the ‘getting to know you’ part, you would have shared your past experiences whether good or bad.  If you have been cheated on in the past, this can be a very devastating experience with far reaching effects. But like I always say, you have no business being in a relationship if you have emotional baggage and it’s an issue which exceeds the maximum weight. If you have emotional baggage big enough to fill an airport terminal then please you have no business being in a relationship until you sort yourself out. If you’re so badly hurt from past relationships that you can’t trust anyone, then you need to work on your issues and preferably alone.

I know men who have cheated and I know women who have cheated. So the myth that ‘all men cheat’ is not 100% true. Since Victorian times, women have been viewed as the ones responsible for maintaining ‘morality’ in society and keeping men in check. While men are viewed as penises (please excuse my being so straight forward) with legs; incapable of rational thought once faced with the prospect of touching a boob.

So when women say ‘all men cheat’ they are simply doing two things: enabling one another to stay in relationships with men who are sketchy, selfish liars, and two teach men that they aren’t accountable for their own behavior. Aside from that, the notion that ‘all men cheat’ is a lie.

I honestly don’t buy into the ‘men are ruled by their dick’ story-line. I think that’s just an excuse to let men off the hook in terms of accountability for their own behavior and reinforces untrue stereotypes.

What are your thoughts? Please share.

Stay beautiful

Xoxo

Chantel 

The Sisterhood Award

i got tagged in this award (pic above) by the ever wonderful Honeydame. I was suppose to respond to this like ages ago but procastination is a rubbish thing. Anyhow i've decided to get around to it before the award is taken away *smile*. Here we go. 

1. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex, boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, potential? (hahahahaha, for the heck of it)

Lmao...this kind of question sef.. i have no weapon..Infact to be honest i don't even need it...they just happen to come along....cause i'm hot like that *wink wink*

2. What was/is a major deciding factor in your choice of career?

Hmmmmm i never planned to be in HR really..i always wanted to do International relations or Business law...but then i started working and found myself in HR i liked it and decided to go back to school to study it and have a degree and the rest is history 

3. What was/is a major deciding factor in your decision to be with or not to be with your current significant other?

*clears throat* significant other? did she say 'significant other'? *looks around* honey where....*looks around again* whereeee (i think you get the point already but if u don't just search your inner soul and it would come to you) 

4. What does the colour "black" represent to you?

Just one thing...i didn't have the energy to put anything colorful together. 

5. Toinlicious vs HoneyDame, who is saner (Aha, now you gotta read both blogs!!!)

Buhahahahahaa...Please i am still contemplating this fact... both of you are just cray cray..To my other readers who don't know who these two cray cray girls are please check their blogs Here and Here. 

6. Novels or Movies?

Actually it depends on my mood and the movie or the book

7. Your favorite season of the year is?

Definitely Winter..Anyone who knows me knows i get sunburns easily so i hate to go under the sun and i can't stand heat  

8. The 8th Wonder of the world should be ___________

ME....Yes pun intended 

9. How many of your current friends were made in elementary/primary school?

Honeyboo just one....as for the rest i don't even remember their names or what they look like

10. Do you believe in the power of thoughts?

Oh Yes Yes Yes i doooo. And because of that i have truly become conscious of my thoughts 

Woohooo finally the questions have come to an end. Okay so the rule is i am suppose to thank the blogger who tagged me, put up the blog award, ask 10 questions and then tag 5 people. The first two i have already done. But you see rules are meant to be broken right? So yes i am breaking the rules. 

I hereby tag these people *cocky smile*

Toinlicious 

1+ the one 

Cherry (Mrs somebody) 

Missy T 

T.Notes

My Questions

1. Why did you start blogging?

2. What is that one thing that ticks you off?

3. If you had a chance to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

4. What makes you tick, motivates you?

5. If you had super powers what would it be?

6. Would you consider yourself to be a social person?

7. What's your worse fear?

8. If you had a million dollars what would you do?

9. What color of socks are you wearing right now?

10. What's your least favorite word (s)? 

11. What has been your best present? 

BTW T.Notes...Thanks for checking out my blog..yes i saw you. 

Okay bye..I shall be back with a new blog update once i can finish writing it *rolls my eyes* 

As always 

Stay Beautiful 

xoxo

Chantel 

My Lagos Journey

This is not my usual kind of post but I just had to write about this. This is a story of my Lagos experience. Is that even the right title for this post? anyway, Would I consider myself an aje butter? Ermmm I think so. But hey I have kpaki in me.

Let’s just say I can be whatever I want to be. Is me that have myself abi? Anyway sha back to the matter. I am one of those people who would be inside their car looking at those standing at the bus stop (my sarcastic side is asking, if they don't stand at the bus stop where would they be?) waiting for bus and okada and keke (okada with roof). But best believe it, I’m very very extremely thankful that I can afford to enter motor and be chauffeured wherever I want to go, paying for cabs every other day. I sit in my car looking out at those who can’t afford it and in my heart I just say ‘Thank you Lord, Thank you that I can afford it’. Anyway somewhere along my consulting career life in Lagos, I got a job somewhere in dolphin. One day I got a bank email alert and believe me I wasn’t singing ‘I don get alert’ nope. I was singing a totally different song. So anyway I decided I wanted to experience the other side of life even though I could cry and whine for certain people and I would get cash but nope I wanted to see the other side of life.

So I decided it was time to start taking a bus to work. Which I had no idea on how to. I am clueless when it comes to taking buses in Lagos. Infact the last time I climbed an okada (bike) was 2007. But I woke up determined to find a way. I found a colleague (now friend) who lives very close to me so she decided she would teach me, and that was how my bus journey commenced. To cut the lonnnnggg story short, I have seen it all; from crazy drivers to crazy humans. dead bodies just laying on the road. People living under the bridge, eating and cooking and taking a bath. Dammit.

First I didn’t reminder how to get on a bike. Was I meant to climb from the left side or right side? I was confused sha. And let’s not even talk about the speed at which the man was going. Anyway I found a way. Oya lets go there.

Got on the bus and it was cheap. Ehn are you kidding me? People inside the bus were complaining it was expensive and fares had gone up cause of fuel scarcity. I just smiled, and in my head I was like you don’t want to know how much I pay for cab. We got down and I had to do a long walk and the roads were wet and dirty. Damn mehn. At this point I was thinking, ‘what did I get myself into?’

Do we even want to start with the way bus drivers drive? What hell no. Can they just stay on their lane please? Another Hell No. how about the bus driver who was driving so fast in his patched up bus that the door of the bus came off on the express way? I kid you not.

Let’s fast forward to the day I had to go to work alone. Ehn they for show my face for NTA that day. Of cause the bus driver followed a place I had no idea about and that was where I saw people living under the bridge. Some sleeping, some cooking and eating and some taking a bath. I saw kids taking a bath under the bridge and getting ready for school. I saw mothers with babies under the bridge and my heart sank. Where is the father of those kids? Who got her pregnant? What kind of life is this? Long story short, when the bus stopped, I had no idea where I was but the impatient driver wanted us to all get down so he could get new passengers. I looked left then right then left and my very confused Johnny just come mind told me to go right. O ga o I am done for, today they shall declare me missing. Today that I decided not to follow the crowd. Anyway I just decided to ask somewhere after 5mins yes 5 whole minutes and they told me I was going in the wrong direction and I should turn back which I did. Eventually I realised I was on the other side of Obalende wow anyway yours truly found her way eventually yippee.

Now let’s talk about the people who forget that they are getting into the bus with other people and it is only right to take a bath before coming out of their houses. I bet you are laughing at me at this point. Some people smell like they have been living in caves perhaps they have because what I have learnt in the past couple of weeks with my experience is that anything is possible in Lagos.

I have learnt all kinds of slangs, half of which I have no idea what they mean. I have learnt that agbero is a profession. So don’t judge. School is for everyone but no everyone can afford it.

I have learnt to appreciate life and what I have. Appreciate the fact that I can still pay for cabs and have a driver chauffer me anywhere I want. I have come to appreciate the roof over my head and the warm bed I go home to everyday. Appreciate the fact that I can have whatever I want if I just asked for it.

I no longer take for granted where I am in life because it is not my doing but God. For those of us who have and can afford the good life, we take for granted what we have. We forget to take time out and be thankful for what we have because we are praying and craving for what we don’t have. I thought about all those people living under the bridge who have to take their baths on the road and eat whatever they see or have to beg for, what they would give to have a warm bed, roof over their heads and 3-4 meals every day.

God has been more than gracious to me and I thank him for that. Today take a moment and be thankful for what you have. Today don’t ask God for anything but simply just thank him for what you already have because it is his will that you prosper.

Eko Oni Baje.

Stay beautiful

xoxo Chantel